


A Lover Like You

by Yvhvhvtke



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Accountant Castiel (Supernatural), Anal Sex, Anxiety Attacks, BDSM, Beekeeper Castiel (Supernatural), Beekeeper Dean Winchester, Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester, Castiel and Dean Winchester First Meet, Castiel and Dean Winchester Live Together, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Engineer Castiel (Supernatural), M/M, Mechanic Dean Winchester, Online Dating, Past Castiel/Amelia Novak, Past Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester, Porn With Plot, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Smut, Switching, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2019-08-25 17:53:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16665472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yvhvhvtke/pseuds/Yvhvhvtke
Summary: Online dating is hard. Castiel knows this first hand, he's been down that road before. But this time is different. This time he throws caution to the wind. Will he find love, or more heartache?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a heads up guys. I haven't written a fan fic in ages, no, really. It's been like 20 years. I used to write WWF fics. This is my first for Supernatural. I don't have anyone to read through and help me with editing so you might find issues, but I'm hoping not. I hope you enjoy it. I have a lot planned for this story. Not sure about the title, but I'm going with it for now.

Castiel sat staring at the screen on his phone. He wasn't sure that he wanted to push the save button. Online dating is a bitch and Castiel knew that, it's why he'd deleted all his accounts last year. And yet, here he was downloading one and creating a profile. He chewed on his lower lip as he looked over everything he'd typed and the few photos he'd uploaded. Then he did it. He hit save. As soon as he did he almost turned right around to deactivate it, but instead he shoved his phone into his pocket with a frustrated sigh.

"What the hell am I doing?" Castiel asked himself then grabbed his beer and started drinking as he thought of all the reasons he should NOT be on a dating app. He was forced from his inner turmoil by the vibration and noise on his phone. "And so it begins." He sighed heavily.

Cas pulled the phone from his pocket and was surprised to see four messages already. He scoffed at the thought that any of them could possibly be real, but opened them nonetheless.

Americancitizen83. "Yeah sure you are buddy." He clicked the message rolling his eyes. " _Hey hot stuff. I'm currently in Europe, but will be back in the states in two months. We should get together."_ Another eye roll. Delete.

Bigstick69. Castiel snorted then opened the message to a dick pic. "What the fuck?!" BLOCK BLOCK.

Lovingguy52. _"Damn you're hot as hell. I'd love to fuck your sweet ass all over the house."_ Cas squirmed. While the thought of that happening sounded hotter than hell, it was not the right thing to say in the first message. This guy also had that cliché photo showing his abs and a tent in his pants. No thanks. Delete.

No profile pic. No thanks. Delete.

Castiel sighed and was about to close the app when another message came through. He rolled his eyes and clicked on it. 1967Impala. " _Hey. What's someone like you need a site like this for?"_ Cas felt himself blushing and checking out this guys profile. He found himself looking at a very attractive man. Cas felt like he could get lost in his green eyes, and those lips...damn. They practically invited him to kiss him. He swiped though the photos and rolled his eyes. Yup. Too good to be true. There's the stupid cocky photo where he's holding his shirt up with his chin, his jeans riding low, showing off the V of his muscles and just a peek of hair at the waist band, and his hand on his abs. What Cas wouldn't do for his hand to be there instead. No. Everything about this guys profile screamed love 'em and leave 'em. That's not what he wanted. So why was he...

_"Dating is hard. Everyone's always got their face in their phones and not caring about what's right in front of them."_

_"If you were in front of me, my phone would be the last thing I'd want to be staring at."_

Cas blushed and squirmed. This guy is probably telling ten other people the same sort of stuff right now, but it still felt good to have someone say something like that to him. _"So why do you need this site?"_

_"Oh, you know, same thing."_ Uh huh. Sure. _"So, you busy this weekend?"_ Yep. There it is. The real reason this guy needed the site. He's got to find someone new each weekend. A one night stand is not what Cas wants. He's had one before and he's never forgiven himself for it.

But what's the harm in having a little fun? He hadn't been with anyone since the death of his wife years ago. Even thinking about having sex with someone else felt like cheating. It didn't matter that they were separated and going through a divorce when she'd been killed. He still loved her. They just weren't right together. But she'd want him to move on right? I mean if she was still alive and they had finalized the divorce then he'd probably already be settled down with someone else, not sitting here feeling like shit because he's thinking about dating. But...this isn't dating. This is a hook up. And it's not what he wants. But...it's not like the first guy he meets in person is going to be the one he spends the rest of his life with. And it's been so long. Maybe he needs a hook up to help him get back into things.

_"No. Not yet, anyhow."_

_"Friday night. 6pm at the Roadhouse ok?"_

_"Yeah. Oh, and I'm Castiel."_

_"Dean."_

\-----

It's 5pm on Friday and Castiel still hasn't decided what to wear. I mean what do you wear for a one night stand? Jeans and a t-shirt just seem too casual and his normal suit too dressed up. He finally goes with dark denim jeans and a nice button up shirt. He's still not sure if it's right, but it will have to do if he wants to get there on time. He grabs his keys and his phone and goes out to the car.

On his way to the Roadhouse he turns around at least ten times after talking himself out of doing this, only to turn back around an equal number of times when he tells himself it would be rude to just not show up. He can at least go and enjoy the meal and when Dean brings up having a quicky in the bathroom he can decline and leave. There's nothing wrong with that.

He pulls up into a space and glances to the left to see...a black 1967 Impala parked next to him. It's empty, but it makes reality hit. He's really going to do this. He's going to meet this guy and have one night of fun and probably, most definitely, hate himself in the morning. He sits there looking the car over. It's immaculate. It probably didn't even look this nice on the show room back in '67. He grimaces a little thinking about his old clunker. What will Dean think of it? It's a classic, sure, but it's not well maintained. He gets out of the car and circles the Impala taking in all her beauty. He can't help but wonder if Dean does all the work himself or if he's got someone else doing it. But wait, his profile said he was a mechanic. So this is probably, most definitely, Dean's handy work. This level of skill speaks volumes about the man. It's almost funny to think that someone wanting a one nighter has the level of commitment to keep the classic looking so pristine.

Cas pulls himself away from the car and goes inside. He looks around and it doesn't take long to spot Dean. It's as if he's got some sort of eternal glow around him...but that could just be the light beside him that's causing that glow. Either way, Cas' pants feel just a slight bit tighter. He makes his way over to Dean and sits across from him.

"Hey. I saw your car out there. She's beautiful."

Dean's face brightens up and he's smiling ear to ear. "Thanks. I do all the work myself."

They talk more about Baby, Dean's car. She belonged to his father and he took care of her and taught Dean how to do the same. After Dean had his license for a few years and proved to his father that he could care for her and not run her into a ditch, the car was given to him. Listening to him talk about Baby is fascinating. It's as if he's talking about a family member, which he guess in a way she is, but not a living, breathing family member. They talk about their jobs, politics, family and more. It's more than Castiel expected. It almost feels like a real date and it feels kinda nice. More than once he's caught himself staring at Dean's lips or his freckles. He hadn't noticed those in his picture, but damn they were sexy. He's also gotten lost in his eyes. They are deep and inviting and easy to get lost in. He blinks a couple times when he realizes Dean has said his name a few times.

"Yeah. Sorry. What were you saying?"

"I was wondering if, uh, if you, um, wanted to get out of here."

Say no! Thank him for the lovely evening then decline the invitation and go home. Whatever you do, do not say...

"Yeah. Should I follow you?"

Dammit! No! Abort! Abort!

"Sure." Dean said as he got up, tossed a few bills on the table and headed for his car.

Castiel couldn't help it when his eyes went to Dean's ass. There would be no aborting. He got up quickly and followed Dean outside and to his own car.

"Really?"

Castiel looked at Dean with a head tilt before realization struck. Dean's eyes were running over his car.

"What?"

"That's a crime. That's a damn '70 Chevelle SS, Castiel. She should be treasured."

Cas sighed. "I know what she is, Dean. I had full intentions to restore her, but... So are we still doing this or has seeing my car made you change your mind?"

"What? No. We're still on. Just... That's a damn shame."

Cas sighed again as he watched Dean get in his car. He grimaced at the squeak his door made as he pulled it open and saw Dean's head whip toward the sound. Shit. It's probably good this is a one nighter. After hearing the engine Dean will never want to speak to him again. The look on Dean's face pretty much solidified that thought when he turned the key.

Cas followed Dean, trying to keep up. When Dean turned for a motel he seriously considered missing the turn. Not so much because of the upcoming one night stand, but because of the shame he felt about his car and not taking care of her. He did pass the first turn, the one that Dean took, but reluctantly turned in the second entrance.

Dean's face looked pained at the sight and sounds of Castiel's car. "That's a god damn shame."

Cas sighed and rolled his eyes as he got out of the car.

"For a minute there I thought you were gonna keep going."

"I, um, I just missed the turn. I wasn't paying attention."

He doubted Dean bought it. Hell, he didn't even buy it, but Dean didn't ask any questions. He just led them into the lobby. The woman behind the counter seemed almost too friendly when she saw him. Like she knew him, and she obviously did with how they were flirting. Castiel couldn't help but wonder how many times she's given him a key so he could meet someone here. Probably every weekend. Maybe more than once a weekend. Would he be back here tomorrow night with someone new? He couldn't help but feel like she was eyeing him, trying to say something, almost like a threat. He shook the feeling off when Dean took his hand and lead him to the room. If the jolt of electricity he felt by that touch was any indication of how Dean would make him feel tonight... Yeah. He's going to hate himself tomorrow.

Almost as soon as Dean got the door open it was closed and Castiel was forced back against it. He locked eyes with Dean. No turning back now. Cas watched as Dean pressed himself up against him and kissed him hard, claiming his mouth as his own. Cas wasn't sure he'd ever been kissed like this before and he wasn't sure he ever wanted it to end. He felt Dean start to pull away and quickly brought his hand to the back of Dean's head to keep him from doing so as he kissed him back with as much force as Dean had. Clearly that was the right thing to do because as soon as he did Dean's hands went to Cas' pants and fumbled with his belt and zipper. As soon as they were undone he felt Dean's hand inside his boxers, stroking him and couldn't hold back the moan. God it had been so long since someone else had touched him like this.

"Fuck." Cas breathed as he felt Dean squeeze his cock. He quickly went to work on Dean's pants and slipped his hand inside to stroke and squeeze him. Dean groaned and reclaimed his mouth with even more intensity than before. Cas felt Dean's hand pull out of his pants then the buttons on his shirt being undone as Dean's hips thrust into his hand. As soon as his shirt was open Dean grabbed near the collar and yanked it off of his shoulders, tossing it across the room as he licked then sucked on Cas' neck. Cas tilted his head as he felt Dean's hands slide down his sides, stopping when they got to his jeans, then in one swift motion he had them and his boxers around his ankles. Cas gasped as the cool air hit his cock. His eyes locked with Dean's then watched as Dean looked him over, the edge of his lips turning into a smirk the more he looked.

Cas couldn't stand it. He needed to see Dean too. He reached for the hem of Dean's shirt and lifted it, waiting for Dean to raise his arms, then pulled it off and tossed it somewhere. He leaned forward and kissed Dean's shoulder and chest before dropping onto his knees. Cas glanced at Dean as he grabbed the waistband of his jeans then pulled them and his boxers to his knees. He ran his hands up Dean's thighs and to his ass as he licked a stripe up the length of Dean's cock. He heard Dean gasp then groan as he took him into his mouth. Cas bobbed his head, taking as much of Dean as he could each time. He felt Dean's hand tangle roughly in his hair and winced slightly at the pain it caused. Almost as soon as his hand was in his hair Dean thrust hard into Cas' mouth making him gag. Cas moved his hands from Dean's ass to his hips and pushed him back as he coughed.

Dean pulled Cas' head back so he'd look up at him. "Sorry."

Cas coughed again. "S'ok."

Cas felt Dean's hand leave his hair as he moved to take his jeans all the way off. Dean's fingers were under his chin, lifting, telling him without words to rise. Cas did just that. As soon as he was back on his feet Dean attacked his mouth again, moving them to the bed without breaking the exploration of his mouth. Cas felt the bed against the back of his legs. Dean broke the kiss and shoved him onto the bed. Cas started to say something but Dean shot him a look and he closed his mouth. Cas' mind was racing as he watched Dean pull lube from his jean pocket and come back to the bed. They hadn't discussed this. They hadn't even talked about how this would work. It was clear that Dean was very much in control of this situation. Did that mean he was going to top? Cas swallowed hard at the thought of Dean fucking him.

"Dean..."

Dean kissed him silent then nudged him so he'd move further onto the bed. Cas exhaled as Dean got onto the bed and shifted his legs so he could situate himself between them. He watched Dean closely as he lathered his fingers with lube. Castiel moaned as the first finger entered him. He bit his lip hard as Dean's finger thrust into him. He felt Dean push another digit into him and felt himself spreading his legs even more to give him better access. Suddenly there were stars and Cas felt his body lift from the mattress as his hands balled up in the sheets. He couldn't breathe. Dean's fingers against his prostate were too much and not enough at the same time.

"Fuck me," Cas exhaled when he could finally let out the breath he'd been holding.

Cas felt Dean's fingers scissor inside of him then being removed. He didn't remember a third being inserted, but it had. Cas blinked and watched Dean put lube on his cock and stroke it a few time. His eyes closed as he tried to control his breathing. His fingers hurt. He released the sheets and stretched them. Swallowing hard Cas opened his eyes and was met by beautiful emerald pools only a few inches from him. He leaned up and kissed Dean, running his fingers over the back of his neck and pulling their lips together harder. Cas felt his head hit the pillow as Dean forced their lips together even harder, pushing his tongue into Cas' mouth as his dick pushed against his hole. Cas clawed at Dean's back as he felt the burn of Dean's cock forcing its way into him, his clawing intensifying as the head finally broke through. Cas' head shot back and air forced its way into his lungs. He felt Dean's lips and teeth on the skin he'd exposed. He felt Dean lick from the dip of his clavicle, over his Adam's apple, and to the tip of his chin. Then, his hips were moving.

Dean's lips met his own as he started thrusting into him. He shifted his hips a little and widened his legs so Dean had total access. Dean's dick started thrusting into him harder. Dean pulled away from his lips and he felt his forehead on his shoulder, Dean's hot breath hitting his chest as the thrusting turned into pounding. Cas wrapped his legs around Dean. He arched his back and dug his nails into Dean's shoulders as the stars floated in front of his eyes. He was close. Dean was focusing on his prostate now.

"Dean!" Cas yelled as his orgasm hit him hard and his cum shot between their chests. After a few more hard thrusts Dean groaned loudly, biting Cas' shoulder as he shot his load into him. They both laid there panting and trembling from the aftershock.

Cas felt Dean try to move. This was it. They'd had their fun and now Dean would leave him. but he hadn't yet...because...oh. Cas unhooked his feet and let his legs fall to the bed. As soon as he did Dean got off the bed and went into the bathroom. He felt the tears forming and closed his eyes to will them away. He knew this would happen, but it didn't make it any easier. He jumped when he felt a warm, wet rag clean his chest, then his ass. He wanted to look at Dean, but he couldn't will his eyes to open. He didn't want to see what he'd look like when he left. He only wanted to remember his eyes while they'd made lo- while they fucked.

Cas felt Dean's lips touch his. The kiss was warm and soft, unlike any of the other kisses they had shared. Dean's hand was on his cheek, caressing it. He felt Dean pull away then felt light kisses on his eyes, begging him to open them. When he finally did he was met by Dean's beautiful eyes.

"That was amazing, Cas."

Cas smiled. "Best I've ever had." And it was. He'd never felt anything like this before. Even though he doubted it was that amazing for Dean, it was nice to hear him say that. He was probably just as amazing as whoever Dean would be with tomorrow night. But he watched Dean smile and it reached his eyes. And instead of Dean getting up and leaving, he moved closer and pulled the covers over them, then pulled Cas close so his head was on his chest. Cas shifted a little and ran his fingers over Dean's chest then snuggled closer. He knew it would suck to wake up to an empty bed in the morning, but he'd enjoy being as close to Dean as possible until that happened.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Cas is very confused when his 'one night stand' turns into more than that. And yes, Dean still thinks the state of Cas' car is a damn shame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just want to say thank you to beesknees for helping me with edits :-)

Cas woke up and looked around in confusion until the soreness in his ass reminded him where he was. He reached for Dean but found a cold bed instead. He sighed as he carefully sat up and looked around, noticing that Dean's clothes were gone. There was no note. Nothing to say 'Hey thanks for the fuck.' or anything. What had he done? Why did he do this to himself? He ran his hands over his face and pulled at his hair before getting out of bed and throwing on his clothes. Time for the damn walk of shame.

 

Cas entered the lobby and headed for the desk to check out. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Dean standing there flirting with the same blonde that was there last night. He felt tears threaten his eyes. He couldn't go over there, not with Dean there, so he headed straight for the door.

 

"Whoa! Cas! Where you going?" Dean's hand was grabbing his arm.

 

"Home."

 

"You were gonna leave without saying bye?"

 

"You did, didn't you?" Cas watched as Dean winced a little at that and rubbed the back of his neck.

 

"I, uh, I came down for breakfast. I was about to bring you some coffee." Dean held up the cup for him to see. "Sorry it took so long. I got a little sidetracked." Cas glanced over at the woman at the desk. Yeah. I bet you did.

 

"Lemme make it up to you." Dean glanced at his watch. "It's almost noon. Let's get lunch. How about burgers?"

 

Why was he wanting to stretch this out? Cas wasn't sure what was going on, but he was hungry. Hell, if Dean's paying then he might as well go and get another free meal.

 

"Burgers sound good."

 

"Awesome. Follow me then?" Cas nodded and headed for his car.

 

He had to crank his car a few times to get it started. He noticed Dean's eyes look up to the heavens then close as he ran his hand over his face. Good. That's what he gets for flirting with blondie. He followed Dean down the road, passing places that served burgers, and ended up on a road that lead out of town a little. They turned on the road near the old salvage yard/mechanic and Cas wondered if that's where Dean worked. When Dean turned into a driveway, Cas wasn't sure what was going on. He pulled in behind Dean and slowly got out of the car.

 

"Dean? Where are we? Weren't we going for burgers?"

 

"Nope. I'm making them." Dean said unlocking the front door of his house.

 

Cas froze. Isn't this how some murder mysteries start? He should just get back in his car and go home, where he knows it's safe.

 

"Come on. I make some of the best burgers around. My brother calls them a heart attack waiting to happen. I call them heaven." Dean held his hand out toward Cas.

 

Taking a deep breath, Cas walked toward him. Dean might be some sort of love 'em and leave 'em then invite 'em to his house for burgers type of person, which made Cas' head spin just trying to wrap it around everything going on, but he was pretty sure Dean wasn't a murderer, probably. 

 

Dean closed the door behind him and he looked around. He wasn't surprised to find framed pictures of classic cars or pieces of engines showcased on shelves. Dean's house was nice. It was obvious he hadn't planned on inviting anyone over by the clothes strewn everywhere and the pizza box on the coffee table. Dean made it even more obvious as he rushed around to pick everything up then threw it all into a room and shut the door.

 

"Sorry you had to see that. Make yourself at home. I'm gonna go season the beef so it can sit before firing up the grill." He watched as Dean hurried into the kitchen and started doing just that. Cas walked around the room, looking at things Dean had on display.

 

He closed his eyes when he felt Dean's body against his back, his arms around his waist. He tilted his head as Dean kissed and licked his neck. Dean's hands opened his jeans and pushed them down before one hand wrapped around his cock, stroking him, while the other fondled his balls. Cas moaned and brought one hand to Dean's hair as the other grabbed his ass, pulling their hips together hard. Dean's hands worked his cock hard and fast. His breath became labored as he felt his orgasm nearing. Suddenly the hands were gone and he groaned. "Dean..."

 

Dean's hands moved to the buttons of his shirt, undoing them slowly, then his hands were caressing his chest, his abs, his thighs. Cas' head was swimming. Dean backed away from him and gently removed Cas' shirt. He kissed the back of Cas' shoulder before removing his own clothes. Cas turned to watch, then ran his hand over Dean's chest before leaning in to kiss him, slowly, lovingly, but with an intense heat.

 

Dean pulled them back to the couch and laid Cas back on it. He looked him over, licking his lips, before grabbing the lube from his jeans and applying some to his fingers. He nudged Cas' legs open and ran his finger over his hole before pushing two into him. Cas inhaled sharply and pushed back on the digits, moaning when Dean started thrusting them into him. He moaned loudly when Dean's lips closed around his nipple and his teeth tugged at it. He felt Dean's fingers leave him, but they were almost immediately replaced by his hard cock. Cas moaned and ran his nails over Dean's back.

 

Dean moved his mouth to Cas' other nipple, giving it the same treatment as he started thrusting into him. The thrusts were strong, but gentle. Cas pulled Dean's face to his own and kissed him deeply, running his tongue over his lips then tangling it with Dean's as his fingers tangled in his hair. Dean's thrusts became harder, aiming for his prostate, as his fingers wrapped around Cas' cock and stroked him in time with his thrusts. Cas kissed Dean harder. He needed to taste Dean. He needed to feel every part of Dean as close as possible to his own being. His fingers tightened in Dean's hair and he groaned into his mouth as his orgasm ripped though him. Dean fucked him through it, biting down on Cas' bottom lip and moaning his name as his own orgasm washed over him.

 

Dean rested his forehead against Cas' as their breathing slowly returned to normal. Cas took in the sight in front of him. Dean's lips were red and swollen, his cheeks with the beautiful dusting of freckles were flush. His eyes had little flecks of gold that Cas had never noticed before, but that's not what made his heart stop. His eyes said something, something they shouldn't say, something Amelia's used to say. No. This wasn't supposed to be more than a one night fling. How had it gone from that to...to...this.

 

Dean pulled back with concern written on his face. "Cas? You ok, buddy?"

 

"I...I..." Cas stammered as he pushed his way out from under Dean.

 

Dean's hand on the side of his neck was gentle, soothing. "Cas? What's wrong?"

 

"What are we doing, Dean?"

 

Dean looked confused.

 

"Why am I here? What do you want from me? Why didn't you just leave after you fucked me? Like you were supposed to!"

 

Cas watched as Dean's eyes went from confusion to anger. There was fire burning in them.

 

"What am I Dean? Just another fucking notch on your bedpost? How many of those do you have now?"

 

"Fuck you, Castiel!" Dean growled with such venom that he knew he'd gone too far.

 

"You've already done that, haven't you Dean?"

 

"Get the FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

 

Castiel tried not to jump as he grabbed his clothes and rushed to get them on. This was better. It was better to make sure this ended before he got too used to it...too used to Dean...but it still hurt. He threw his shoes on and hurried to the door, putting his hand on the knob. He wanted to hurt Dean. He wanted to hurt him more than he'd wanted to hurt anyone in a long time. He took a deep, shaky breath as he fished his keys out of his pocket.

 

"You were my first." He whispered to himself, then set his jaw and took a deeper, more stable breath as he turned the knob and had the door open just a hair.

 

"You were my first, you asshole!" Castiel threw the door open, not even bothering to close it, and ran to his car. 

 

He jumped in and turned the key thanking god that she started on the first try. He threw the car into reverse as he saw Dean run out the door in just his jeans, trying to fasten them while throwing up his hand trying to stop Cas from leaving. Cas floored it backwards, threw the car in drive, and tore away from the house. He heard the Impala roaring to life and tires squealing behind him and pushed his car even harder. He hadn't even made it to the end of the street before the Impala flew past him and cut him off so abruptly that he had to slam on the brakes to keep from smashing into it. 

 

Dean was out of his car and running around to Castiel's door. Cas had tears streaming down his cheeks as he tried to throw the car into reverse, but it was no use. The abrupt stop caused her to stall. His door was ripped open.

 

"What the fuck, Cas?!"

 

Cas flinched and wiped at his eyes. He didn't know what Dean would do. Would he drag him from the car and beat the shit out of him? He couldn't look at Dean but saw his hands were in tight fists. Dean moved and Cas shut his eyes tight, preparing for the impact. He jumped and yelped when Dean's fist hit the back door of his car. He heard Dean cuss and mutter under his breath then try to control his breathing.

 

"Come back to the house, Cas."

 

When Castiel didn't answer he felt Dean's hand touch his chin and turn it toward himself. He jumped and held his breath. Cas heard Dean sigh then felt his thumbs gently wipe his tears away.

 

"Look at me." Cas took a deep breath and willed his eyes to finally open. "Please come back to the house so we can talk."

 

Cas looked down and chewed on his lip then nodded slightly. If Dean hadn't still been holding his chin he probably wouldn't have noticed it.

 

"Will she crank?"

 

Cas realized his hand was still on the keys and tried them a few times until the car finally started.

 

"Good. Wasn't sure if you'd finally killed her after how you were just pushing her." Cas felt Dean's thumb caress his lips. "Go back to the house, Cas." Then the hand was gone and the door closed.

 

Castiel backed up and headed back toward Dean's house, pulling into the driveway. He closed his eyes as he heard Baby pull in behind his car and her engine go quiet. His door opened then he felt Dean lean across him and turn the car off. Then Dean's hand was holding his own and tugging. 

 

Cas slowly got out of the car and followed Dean back into the house. He allowed Dean to make him sit on the couch. Cas sat in silence as Dean walked into the kitchen. He could hear ice being bagged then felt Dean sit beside him.

 

"What was that all about, Cas?"

 

Castiel couldn't find the words to respond, so he just shrugged.

 

"What was all of that about- this being nothing more than a fling? Is that all you wanted? Were you only looking for a one night stand and you were hoping I'd be the kind of guy that'd give you that?"

 

Castiel closed his eyes as tears fell from them. He felt Dean gently wipe them away.

 

"I don't think that's what you were looking for. I know I sure as shit wasn't looking for something like that."

 

Cas' eyes opened, and he slowly looked at Dean. Something about the way he was looking at him made him believe he wanted more than that. He leaned into Dean's palm when he caressed his cheek.

 

"You weren't wrong about me having notches on my bedpost." Cas stiffened and started to pull away. "But you were wrong about me wanting you to be one of them. I'm tired of that life, Cas. I'm tired of running into one of them somewhere and getting a drink in the face because I don't remember them."

 

Cas laughed a little. "The girl at the hotel?"

 

Dean grimaced and scratched the back of his neck as he looked away. "Yeah, uh, Jo... She never should have been a notch. But we were drunk...and stupid...and shit just happened."

 

"You were flirting with her, Dean. You flirted before fucking me and you flirted with her after."

 

"That's just how we are, man. It doesn't mean I want to do anything with her again. She's like a sister to me."

 

"And how many times has she given you a room?" Cas could see the pain on Dean's face.

 

"Can we...Can we not get into that right now?" Cas sighed but nodded. He was right. They wouldn't get much talking done if they went down that path right now. "No. You asked. I gotta answer." Cas was about to tell him they could discuss it later, but Dean kept going. "Jo doesn't 'give me a room' per se. That's my room."

 

Cas' eyes widened.

 

"No! No. Not like that. I mean, yeah. I take people back there...obviously." Dean sighed, muttering the last word. "It started as a joke, man. Too many drunk nights at Ellen's. She'd take my keys and..."

 

"Ellen?"

 

"Yeah. Jo's mom, Ellen. Oh, right. She owns the Roadhouse." Cas nodded. "Anyway, she'd take my keys and tell me to get a cab. I always refused and ended up sleeping in Baby. She joked with Jo that I just needed a permanent room at her inn and Jo kinda agreed that it wasn't a bad idea. So I guess you know where to find me if Baby is at the Roadhouse and I'm not." Dean laughed a little to try to ease the tension.

 

Cas cocked his head a little. "Wouldn't I be with you if this..." Cas motioned between the two of them. "...is what you're wanting? Or am I expected to be ok with you going out and drinking and possibly waking up next to someone else in 'your room'?"

 

"Shit. No, Cas. Yeah. I guess you would be with me. I mean... I'm not used to this shit, man. I haven't had a real relationship in years...and she got tired of my shit. We had a huge fight. I told her to leave...and she did...and I let her go." Dean glanced at the door, the same door Cas had just stormed out of. "Did you just say it to hurt me?" Dean's voice was barely a whisper.

 

"I wanted to hurt you." Cas said with a hard sigh. "But I also wanted you to know. I thought you should know. I just shouldn't have told you like that."

 

"So you've never been with anyone before me?"

 

"That's not what I was saying, Dean. I've was married...to a woman. I've slept with a man, but you're the first to ever...you know...fuck me." He watched as Dean pinched the bridge of his nose hard.

 

"You should have told me, Cas. I would have done things dif- Oh shit. You tried to tell me didn't you. I just didn't let you. I'm so fucking sorry, Cas."

 

Castiel turned Dean's face back toward his own. "I did try, but it doesn't matter. I wasn't lying when I said it was the best I'd ever had. I can't imagine our first time being different. Well, other than me thinking you were going to leave immediately after it..."

 

"I guess I fucked up and did things backwards, as usual. We should have done this before I dragged you back to the inn. I'm sorry, Cas. If there's anything I'm good at it’s fucking things up."

 

Cas ran his fingers down Dean's throat. "You haven't fucked this up. It may have had a very rocky start, but it's not fucked up. And that rocky start isn't all on you. I could have done things different. I could have made us slow down and talk. Being around you makes me lose control and honestly, last night, that's what I wanted. I wanted someone else, you, to take the control away from me. Dean, it was unbelievable. Today was...beyond words. And I fucked that up."

 

Dean's mouth captured Cas' lips in a hard and messy kiss, leaving them both breathless. "I, um, better get back to those burgers."

 

Cas laughed. "Yeah. For some reason I have quite an appetite right now."

 

Dean winked before going into the kitchen.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean finds out that Cas likes to be in control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken so long for me to get this chapter up. I've kinda lost my muse on this one, but I'll try to get it back. I have two other stories in the works *slams forehead on desk*. I dunno why my muses can't just stick with one story before starting another. Damn them. Anyhow, I'll get at least one of them betaed...since the other is kinda started in the middle so I need the beginning lol. Then I'll start posting it.
> 
> Thanks again to deanisthebeesknees for the beta :)

Cas pulled up to Jo's inn. He needed some answers and this was really the only person he knew that could give them to him. He went inside and rang the bell. Jo came around the corner looking at some papers.

 

"Single? Double? How many nights?" She looked up. "Oh. It's you. I'm not giving you Dean's number or telling you where to find him or where he lives. If he..."

 

"I know where he lives, Jo."

 

"...What?"

 

"I've been to his house. I'm not looking for him or trying to get in touch with him."

 

"...What?"

 

"I just..." Cas sighed. "I'm just confused. I know you know him so I'm hoping you can help."

 

"Ok... Tell me what happened..."

 

"I met Dean online then we met at the Roadhouse."

 

"Ok."

 

"Then he brought me back here for sex."

 

"Right."

 

"Then he asked me to have lunch with him."

 

"Yeah."

 

"Lunch was at his house."

 

"Huh."

 

"Is that not normal?"

 

"No, not really. I mean up until lunch at his house is, but he doesn't normally take people back to his house. At least not since..."

 

"Lisa?"

 

"He told you about her?"

 

Cas shrugged. "A little. They were together and she got tired of his shit."

 

"I guess that's one way to put it."

 

"Anyway, we had sex. Then we fought and I stormed out. He made me go back to the house. We talked and he told me about Lisa. We ate lunch...then dinner...then I stayed the night. I left shortly after breakfast. And it's been five days since I've heard from him. Baby is at Ellen's, but Dean isn't. I know he's in there. What I need to know is if he's alone or not.

 

Jo sighed hard. "He is in there, and no, he's not alone." Cas stiffened and clenched his fists. "But he's not in there with 'someone'. It's his brother." Jo pinched the bridge of her nose. "You must have triggered something when you stormed out. He's been a mess. He hasn't been home in three days. He spends his days at mom's and his nights here." 

 

Cas felt like shit knowing he'd had a part in Dean feeling like this. He shouldn't have pushed. If he hadn't they wouldn't have fought and maybe he'd be asleep in Dean's arms right now.

 

"Look. Right now you have two choices. One, you can go home and act like this..." She gestured between them." ...never happened and wait for him to possibly call. But more than likely that call will never come."

 

"Or?" Jo held up a key card. Cas went to take it and she pulled it away.

 

"If I give you this... If you hurt him... I'll hunt you down and kill you." She slowly held the card back in Cas' reach and he took it with a nod.

 

"It was nice to officially meet you, Jo. Hopefully next time will be under better circumstances so you'll see that you won't have to follow through with that threat."

 

Jo laughed a little. "I hope so, too. It'd be nice to see Dean happy again. Oh! You have my permission to scare him a little if you want. Maybe you don't know that's his brother in there..."

 

Cas shook his head as he walked down the hall to Dean's room. He inserted the card and pushed the door open. If he hadn't known who was in the room with him he'd have gone off the hinges. Dean was curled up and being held by a taller man with shaggy hair. Even though he knew it's his brother he still felt a pang of jealousy. If Dean was having a rough time then he should be the one holding him like that. He wasn't going to follow Jo's advice, but maybe he should. Cas switched on the lights.

 

"Dean?! Who the hell is that?!"

 

Dean pushed away from his brother and shot out of the bed. He looked like shit. "C-Cas? It's not what you think!"

 

"Dean?" The other man sat up rubbing his eyes. Wait. He knew that voice...and that face...

 

"Sam?"

 

Sam looked at him, blinking a few times. "Castiel? What are you doing here? Wait... No. Seriously. What are you doing here?" Sam looked confused as he looked between Dean and 

Cas. Dean looked confused as well.

 

"Sammy? Cas? What the hell? You know each other?" Sam rubbed his eyes again and nodded. Oh, this was too good.

 

"Hmmm. So you're the loud mouthed, annoying, rough around the edges, but lovable brother that Sam has been trying to set me up with?"

 

"And you're the client turned friend. Wait. You stood me up two months ago!"

 

Cas looked down and rubbed the back of his neck. Shit. He'd forgotten about that. "I saw a car there that looked like Amelia's. I...I couldn't make myself..." Suddenly Dean's arms were around him.

 

"It's ok. I get it. We're together now. That's all that matters."

 

"Are we though?" Dean pulled away a little.

 

"Yeah. Of course we are. Why would you think we aren't?"

 

"It's been five days since I heard from you. I thought maybe you changed your mind."

 

"Five days? No it hasn't." Dean looked at Sam, who nodded.

 

"Ellen called me because you'd been in a drunken stupor for a few days. You haven't even been home since Sunday. All she and Jo knew was you met someone, I'm guessing Castiel, over the weekend then you showed up here saying 'things will never work out' and that 'they always leave'. I managed to get you back here last night, with some difficulty since I had to throw you over my shoulder after you fell in the street and decided laying there was a good idea."

 

Dean ran his hands over his face. "Five days. I'm so sorry, Cas. I'll understand if you want to get out now. You don't have to deal with my sh-" Cas stopped Dean with a brutal kiss. He had to stop him. He didn't want him to talk either one of them into stopping this. His hand carded through Dean's hair then gripped it hard, making him whimper into his mouth. His other hand ran down to Dean's ass and squeezed it hard.

 

"I...I'm just gonna, uh, go now."

 

Cas yanked Dean's head back as he kissed his neck. "Bye Sam." He said between kisses. When the door closed behind Sam he smacked Dean's ass hard, smirking at the yelp that escaped his lips. He leaned up to Dean's ear. "Get them off and get your sexy ass on the bed." Cas pulled away and watched as Dean quickly removed his boxers and got on the bed. Cas loosened his tie as he walked from one side of the bed to the other.

 

"Now what should I do with you? You let me worry for three days. I gave up control to you and you repaid me by not even sending me a drunken text." Cas removed his jacket and rolled up his sleeves, loving how Dean squirmed and licked his lips as he watched him. "Hmm. And here I thought you loved to be the one in control. So tell me Dean..." Cas leaned over the bed with his hands next to Dean. "...Has anyone ever taken your control away? Has anyone ever...punished you?"

 

"N-n-no."

 

Cas leaned further down, tempting Dean to move to kiss or touch him. He smirked when Dean's breath caught in his throat and he swallowed hard.

 

"But you want me to."

 

The breath Dean was holding rushed past his lips. "Yes. Fuck."

 

Cas brushed his lips over Dean's. "Very good." He stood then sat on the bed. "Then we need to have a little chat before I take you apart." He could see Dean's hand was itching to make contact with his own so he turned his hand palm side up and nodded, smiling when Dean took his hand. He watched as Dean's breathing became less ragged and he looked a little calmer.

 

"Today won't be much of a punishment. I honestly don't think you meant to worry me for three days." He gently caressed the back of Dean's hand with his thumb. "But after I let go of your hand you won't be allowed to touch me, or yourself, unless I've given permission. If you feel like you can't control yourself then I can restrain your hands." He idly ran the fingers of his other hand over his tie and watched as Dean's eyes darted to it and he licked his lips. "Are you against me spanking you?" Cas had to force a straight face to keep from laughing when he saw Dean's dick twitch.

 

"No. Oh god, Cas. Fuck."

 

"Very good. Then I plan to make that sexy ass of yours a pretty shade of red. Then, fuck it hard so you can feel the burn every time my hips hit it." Dean groaned and squeezed his hand tight. "Now that you know what I plan on doing to you, we need to discuss safe words. I like to use stop lights to check on you. Green for everything's good and you have no problem with what's happening, yellow for anything that makes you slightly uncomfortable. It could be as simple as you need me to explain further what I plan on doing or you need us to pause for some reason. Red for when we need to stop. Say, I've got you tied down and the rope is biting into you too tightly and we need to stop so I can adjust it, but not completely stop. And then your safe word, which means we stop completely. You can safe word at any time. If the scene is too much then I expect you to safe word. The colors and safe word are meant to keep both of us safe. What's your safe word, Dean?"

 

"Poughkeepsie."

 

"Mine's perdition." Cas brought Dean's hand up and kissed the back of it. "Is there anything you wish to discuss before we start?"

 

"Ummm... Is this something we'll do often or..."

 

"We'll do scenes as often as we both agree on. They'll be discussed beforehand, as I did with you just now. Some may be discussed right before hand while some will be planned days or weeks in advance."

 

"Will I have to wear one of those dog collars?"

 

Cas laughed. "They aren't dog collars and no, not unless that's something you'd feel comfortable doing. And if you do want to wear my collar then it could be worn only during our scenes or while we're alone at home, but we can discuss that later."

 

"I think I might want that." Cas leaned down and kissed Dean's neck.

 

"Then it's something we can explore, later." He breathed against it before biting it, then pulling away. "Anything else?"

 

"No."

 

"Go relieve yourself and drink three glasses of water. When you come back in here I want you across my knees. Do you understand?"

 

"Yes.....sir."

 

Cas held Dean's hand in both of his, then let it go. He watched as Dean got off the bed and went into the restroom. He got off the bed and pulled a chair away from the table and sat down. It'd been so long since he'd had this kind of control. He just hoped Dean was really as into it as he seemed to be. Cas watched as Dean entered the room chewing on his lip as he walked over to him and awkwardly tried to position himself across Cas' lap. Cas grabbed the back of his neck and pushed him down roughly making Dean yelp in surprise. He placed his hand on Dean's ass.

 

"Color?"

 

"Green....sir"

 

"Very good. Do you need your hands for balance?"

 

"No, sir."

 

"Bring them behind your back and grab your arms." He watched as Dean did as he was told. "If you feel like you need them for balance then you can move them. You are not allowed to try to cover your ass. If you do then I will bind them. While I'd love to hear you yell out while I spank you, I'd suggest not doing it. Jo has already threatened me, and I don't doubt she'd let herself in if she thought I was causing you harm."

 

Cas ran his hand over Dean's ass, then brought it down hard on his left cheek. Dean yelped and flinched. Cas continued his assault on Dean's perfect ass, enjoying the way it turned from white to a pink tone. He brought his hand down hard and squeezed, letting his fingers dig in. Dean's hands moved to stop him. Cas smirked and grabbed his hands and forced them back into place while he tsked him.

 

"Dean, Dean, Dean. Now I have to bind you and keep going." Dean whimpered as Cas removed his tie and used it to tie Dean's arms together. Cas squeezed Dean's ass hard. "Have you ever been bound before?"

 

Dean sniffled and shook his head.

 

"Color?"

 

"G-g-green, s-s-sir."

 

"Are you sure? It's ok if you need a break or want to stop."

 

"Y-y-yes, s-s-sir."

 

"Ok. I'm going to give you ten more. If it gets to be too much, and you just need a moment to collect yourself then I want you to say yellow. If it's too much and you want to end the spanking, say red and I'll give you a moment to collect yourself before I fuck you. Do you understand?"

 

Dean nodded. "Y-yes, sir."

 

"Very good. Your ass is so beautiful like this. I'll have to show you when we're done." Cas ran his hand over Dean's ass then smacked each cheek five times. After the last one Dean let out a little sob. Cas helped Dean to stand and gently wiped away his tears before kissing him softly.

 

"You're so amazing, Dean. So perfect for me. You took that so well." He smiled when he saw Dean smile at his words. Cas got up and lead Dean to a mirror, turning him so his back was to it. 

"Look at how beautiful your ass looks right now." He watched Dean turn his head and look, moaning when he saw his red ass. Cas gently turned Dean's face back towards him.

 

"On your knees." Dean hesitated and tried to figure out how to accomplish this without his hands for balance. Cas put his hand under one of Dean's elbows and helped him settle onto his knees. He watched Dean look at the tent in his pants then up at him through his lashes.

 

"You want to see how hard you make me, Dean?" Cas asked as he started unbuttoning his shirt. Dean nodded, licking his lips.

 

"Yes, sir."

 

"Fuck, Dean. You're so goddamn gorgeous on your knees like that." Dean blushed as Cas undid his pants and pushed them and his boxers down. "See what you do to me?"

 

Dean licked his lips. "Yes, sir."

 

Cas took his cock in his hand and stroked it a few times before running the head of it over Dean's slightly parted lips. "Open." When Dean opened his mouth he pushed deep into it, grabbing his hair to keep him from moving.

 

"I'm going to fuck your mouth then I'm going to fuck your ass." Dean moaned around him and squirmed. Cas started thrusting deep into Dean's mouth. "I want you to shake your head if you need to safe word. Do it now." Dean shook his head and Cas pulled out of his mouth. He cupped his chin and ran his thumb over his lips. "Very good. Now open."

 

Cas pushed into Dean's mouth until he could feel the back of his throat. He thrust deep and hard as he watched tears spill down Dean's beautiful cheeks. The sight of his cock slipping in and out of Dean's mouth along with his tears was almost too much for him. He thrust hard, pushing into Dean's throat until his nose was pressed against his skin. Cas moaned and held Dean there, not allowing him to pull back. Dean squeezed his eyes shut as tears flowed more freely. He shook his head. Cas pulled back immediately. Dean sucked in a deep breath and started coughing.

 

"Dean? Are you ok?"

 

"Y-yeah." Dean's voice was raspy as he coughed. "Jus'...gimme...a minute."

 

Cas gently ran his fingers through Dean's hair as the coughing slowed, then stopped.

 

"Sorry. I just freaked a little. I felt like I might pass out."

 

Cas lifted Dean's chin and wiped away tears. "Don't apologize. You did exactly as I asked. It was too much for you to handle and you let me know. Thank you."

 

Cas grabbed Dean's upper arms and helped him to stand. He ran his thumb over Dean's lips then kissed him hard, fucking his mouth with his tongue. He smiled into the kiss when he felt Dean pulling at his bonds, unable to touch him. He grabbed Dean's hair and yanked his head back to expose his neck. Cas licked, sucked, and bit at Dean's neck while Dean whimpered his name.

 

"Color?"

 

"Green."

 

Cas pushed Dean toward the bed, manhandling him so he was on his knees with his chest against the mattress. He smacked Dean's ass, loving the yelp that came from him. Cas grabbed the lube and put some on his fingers. He nudged Dean's hole with one then pushed it in. Dean hissed and tried to push back and Cas smacked his ass to stop him. He grabbed Dean's arms with one hand as he thrust his finger deep and hard into him. He slowly added a second, then a third, as he continued to finger fuck him hard. He hooked his fingers and found what he was looking for. He pressed hard on Dean's prostate. Dean yelled as his body shook. Cas removed his fingers before the stimulation threw Dean over the edge. Dean's body went slack and he panted, then whined. "Cas..."

 

Cas slicked himself up, grabbed Dean's hips, and slammed into him. Dean sucked in air and went rigid, his nails digging into his own arms. "Fuck!" Cas waited a moment, just long enough for Dean to remember how to breathe, then he started fucking him deep and hard. He made sure to make contact with Dean's prostate. When he felt Dean about to go over the edge, he slowed down, almost stopping. Dean's body was shaking. He had sweat pooling along his spine. His fingers going in and out of fists. Cas placed a hand on Dean's upper back, pushing him deeper into the mattress. He started fucking him just as hard, letting him come close to that edge, but not allowing him to go over it. Dean was a wreck. He was begging and pulling at the tie that bound his arms.

 

"Cas! Please...oh fuck...please...please...let me cum..."

 

Cas carded his fingers through Dean's sweaty hair. "You want to cum, love?"

 

"Yes! Fuck...please!"

 

Cas grabbed Dean's throat and pulled his body back. He ran his tongue over his ear. "Then you'll come untouched."

 

Dean let out a little sob but nodded. Cas grabbed Dean's shoulders and pushed his body to the angle he needed. He pounded into Dean, focusing on his prostate. The sound of skin contacting skin as loud as the smacks his hands gave Dean earlier. Dean's breathing was ragged, catching in his throat every time Cas' cock hit his prostate. His body tensed. Cas made his thrusts more forceful. Dean's nails dug into his fists, his body arched, he screamed as his came. Cas fucked him through it. The tight heat of Dean's ass was even tighter. The clenching and spasming throwing him over the edge. "Dean!" He felt Dean go limp and allowed him to fall onto the bed. He brought shaky hands to Dean's arms and removed the tie, gently rubbing his arms and hands to get the blood flowing again. Once he was sure he was ok, he fell onto the bed beside Dean.

 

Dean's eyes were closed, but he wasn't sleeping. Cas gently pulled him closer and kissed his forehead. He reached for the bedside phone and hit the button for the front desk.

 

"Front desk."

 

"Jo? This is Castiel. I need you to bring some things to Dean's room."

 

"Ok..."

 

"I need orange juice and snacks, some chocolate if you have it. If you have some aloe and bubble bath then that would also be appreciated. Oh, and fresh sheets."

 

"...Juice? Chocolate? Bubble bath? For Dean Winchester?"

 

"Jo, I don't have time to explain. Can you please bring what I asked?"

 

"Yeah. I'll be at the door shortly."

 

"Just let yourself in." Cas hung up the phone before Jo could ask any more questions. He looked at Dean's face and couldn't help worrying. He hadn't been prepared to scene with Dean. He was always in control when it came to scenes. They were always planned and he always had exactly what he needed on hand for aftercare. What if Dean didn't like what they just did? What if... Cas was pulled from his doubts as he heard the key card in the door. He grabbed the sheet and pulled it over them just as the door opened.

 

"Um... Where do you want this?" Jo asked as she looked around then at them.

 

Cas motioned to the bedside table. "Right here is fine." He whispered.

 

Jo put the tray of stuff on the table then looked at Dean. "Is he ok?"

 

"Shhh. He's fine. Thank you for bringing what I asked for."

 

Jo fidgeted. She looked worried. Cas could see that she was looking at Dean's exposed arm, which had marks from the tie. He pulled the sheet up to cover it.

 

"Jo, please leave. I need to take care of my boyfriend now. This is very important."

 

"If he's not ok after this I'm going to kill you. You know that right?"

 

Cas nodded. "I won't even resist, but right now is about Dean." Jo looked at Dean again then left the room quietly.

 

Cas ran his fingers over the side of Dean's face, making him sigh. "Dean?"

 

"Mmmm?"

 

Cas chuckled softly. "I need you to sit up a little so you can drink something." He moved them so Dean was a little more upright, but not fully sitting on his ass. He brought the juice to his lips. 

 

"Drink." Dean drank a little and Cas put the bottle down. He picked up the chocolate and broke a piece off, bringing it to Dean's mouth. "Open." Dean parted his lips slightly and Cas put the chocolate in then placed a soft kiss on his lips. He shifted so they were laying back down. Cas gently ran his fingers over Dean's face and through his hair. He smiled when his eyes fluttered open.

 

"Hello, love. How are you feeling?"

 

Dean blinked then looked up at Cas. "...Sore...and like my body weighs a ton...but awesome."

 

"Good, love. Very good. You were so amazing...so perfect." He cupped Dean's cheek and kissed him softly. "I need you to sit up a little so you can finish your juice." Dean moved and propped himself up. He took the juice when Cas handed it to him and downed it. Cas offered him the snacks Jo had piled on the tray and Dean took what he wanted and ate it.

 

Cas slowly got off the bed and went into the bathroom to prepare the bath. He went back to the bed and held a hand out to Dean, who of course accepted it, and got out of bed on shaky legs. He pulled Dean close and escorted him to the tub, getting in and helping him into his lap. Cas lathered soap onto a wash cloth and gently ran it over Dean's body. Dean leaned his forehead against Cas' and closed his eyes.

 

"It's never been like this before."

 

"What hasn't?" Cas asked as he continued to wash Dean.

 

"Stuff like what we just did."

 

Cas' hand stopped. He gently caressed Dean's cheek. "You mean someone hurt you?"

 

Dean nodded. "It was my fault. I wanted him to hurt me, but not like he did. I wanted something like this." Dean placed his hand on Cas' chest. Cas kissed him softly, his tears mixing with the spray of the shower. Dean slowly pulled back. "You gave me a way to know I'd be safe before we even did anything. I was scared..." Dean raised his eyes to look into Cas' "...but I knew I could trust you. ...When I stopped you...I didn't need to stop, at least not yet. It was getting to that point. I think I just did it to know that you would stop if I needed you to."

 

Cas kissed Dean softly. "I will always stop if you safe word or it seems like it's too much. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. You know...more than something like this." Cas said as he grabbed Dean's ass, making him suck in air. He ran his hand up Dean's spine. "I wish I'd done this right. I wish I'd known what you'd gone th-"

 

Dean silenced him with two fingers on his lips. "No. What just happened was awesome. If you'd known beforehand then it wouldn't have been the same. You would have handled me like fine china."

 

Cas kissed Dean's fingers. "You're right. I would have been scared to touch you. Enough about that for right now. I'm supposed to be pampering you. We can discuss this later." Cas put shampoo in his hands and lathered it in Dean's hair, taking the time to massage his scalp. "After care is very important. After taking you apart, giving you pleasure and pain, it's my job to take care of you."

 

Dean closed his eyes and moaned softly. "So does that mean you'll only pamper me after we scene? Cause I could get used to this, babe. ...But don't tell Sam that."

 

Cas laughed a little as he rinsed Dean's hair. "No. I'm always willing to pamper you."

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas invites Dean on a date and Dean learns a little more about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that I'm not getting chapters out faster. I've got a couple stories going right now, although this is the only one that's been posted. I'll probably start posting one of the others soon, if I can come up with a title. 
> 
> This chapter is unbetaed.

Cas smiled when he heard Dean pick up his phone. Dean’s voice always did something to him. His heart would swell and butterflies would take over his stomach. “Hey, Angel. What are you up to today?”

 

“Hello, Dean. I was wondering if you’d like to accompany me to dinner tonight?”

 

“I’d love to have dinner with you. Where are we going?”

 

“You’ll see. I’ll be by to pick you up around 5.”

 

“What should I wear? Wait...pick me up? I have to ride in your car?”

 

Cas rolled his eyes. Of course Dean would object to riding in his car. “Wear whatever you want and yes, we’ll be taking my car. Is that a problem, Dean?”

 

Cas could hear Dean’s groan and could picture him swiping his hand over his face. “No. Not at all, but are you sure you don’t want to take Baby?”

 

Cas almost laughed at that. “I’m driving, Dean. If you have no objection to me driving Baby then…”

 

“We’ll take your car. But, Cas, you gotta let me get under that hood soon.”

 

“We’ll discuss that later. Be ready at 5.” Cas hung up and turned to the paperwork in front of him, trying to keep his mind off of Dean. He hated his job, but it was a job and helped pay his bills. Being an accountant for a large corporation wasn’t too bad though. If only he didn’t have to deal with his sleazy boss, Zachariah, hitting on him all the time. If only he could go back to his old life, the one that had been stolen from him so long ago… 

 

Being with Dean helped. Dean made him feel like he was alive again. Dean put a smile on his face even without being around. Just thoughts about him would have Cas smiling throughout the day. He knew his coworkers could see the change in his demeanor. Some even chose to approach him for small talk now, when they used to steer clear of him. 

 

Cas went through all the numbers and paperwork piled on his desk. By the time he was able to leave the pile was barely there, but he knew by morning it would grow again. He pulled on his trench coat and headed for his car. He felt the butterflies in his stomach. Dates with Dean didn’t make him nervous. He knew the nervousness was the fact that Dean would be riding in his car. 

 

He glanced over at the empty seat. The last person to sit in that seat had been Amelia. He never thought he’d have someone else he’d want to sit beside him. Cas took a deep breath as he started the car and drove to Dean’s. Dean was waiting in the driveway as Cas pulled up.

 

“Heard you coming down the street.” Dean said as he got in the car.

 

Cas rolled his eyes. “Can we please not start on that right now? I get it. You’re embarrassed by my car.”

 

“Then leave it with me so I can work on her. You can drive one of Bobby’s cars until she’s fixed.”

 

Cas sighed and covered his face with his hand. “Please...don’t do this right now.” He felt Dean’s fingers wrap around his wrist and gently pull his hand from his face. Cas blinked away the tears that were threatening to fall before glancing at Dean.

 

“Ok. Not right now. But will you talk to me about this soon? She needs work if you want to keep driving her.” Cas swallowed and nodded. 

 

The drive was pretty quiet. Dean laid his arm across the back of the seat, letting his fingers play with the hair on the back of Cas’ neck. Cas loved when he did things like that. Dean wasn’t much for what he called ‘chick flick moments’ so little loving touches were always welcomed in Cas’ book. 

 

Cas pulled up in front of his house and glanced at Dean. He watched as Dean looked out the windshield at the big house then glanced at him with a questioning look. “I thought we were going out for dinner.”

 

Cas turned off the car and opened the door. “And I thought we were going out for burgers.” He said as he got out.

 

Dean laughed as he got out. “So I guess you’re cooking for me this time?”

 

Cas nodded as he opened the front door. “I have beef bourguignon in the slow cooker. It should be ready by now.” He walked inside with Dean following. He could hear Dean inhale deeply.

 

“Damn, Cas. That smells awesome.”

 

Cas blushed and smiled. “It’s one of my favorite recipes. I really hope you like it and the pie I’ve made.”

 

“Oh, man. You made pie, too?”

 

Cas removed his coat, hanging it on the coat rack. “Of course I did. Apple crunch with caramel drizzle.” He moved into the kitchen checking on the meal as Dean looked around the living room. “I hope you’re not trying to picture anything in there as mine. This isn’t my house. It belongs to my brother, Gabriel.”

 

Dean looked at Cas with an confused look. “Why didn’t you take me back to your place?”

 

“I didn’t say I don’t live here. I just said it’s not my house. I’ve been living here since I got out.”

 

Dean moved to the bar and sat down on one of the chairs. “Got out? What are you talking about?”

 

Shit. He’d forgotten he hadn’t told Dean about that. Just try to play it off as no big deal, Castiel. He shrugged a little as he pulled out dishes. “I spent some time in a hospital after… after everything happened. When I got out they didn’t want me to be alone so Gabe made me live here. It’s no big deal really. I could have moved out years ago, but it’s nice living with him...sometimes.”

 

“So you’re ok now?”

 

Cas closed his eyes with a sigh as he placed his hands on the counter. “And if I’m not? Are you just going to leave?”

 

He could hear Dean moving then felt arms wrap around him from behind. “Never.” Cas leaned back against Dean’s toned chest with a sigh. “I’m ok, Dean. You make me ok.” He tilted his head when Dean kissed his neck.

 

“We need to eat first. We’ll have plenty of time after that.” Cas felt Dean pull away and take their food to the table. He followed with the cutlery and drinks.

 

Dinner was pleasant. Dean enjoyed the meal so much he went back for seconds and the pie? Cas thinks Dean could have eaten the whole thing. He probably would have if he hadn’t had two servings of the beef bourguignon. After the meal Dean helped Cas clean up the kitchen. Again, Cas loved how just spending time with Dean made him feel more carefree than he had in years. 

 

Cas gasped when he got sprayed by the kitchen sprayer. “Oops. Sorry.” Dean said with a glimmer of mischief in his eyes.

 

“You meant to do that.” Cas playfully grumbled at him as he bumped him with his hip. Cas gasped and put his hands up when Dean sprayed him again. “Dean!”

 

Dean laughed and grabbed Cas pulling him close and pinning him to the counter. “We need to get those wet clothes off of you.”

 

Cas leveled Dean with his eyes. “We could have gotten them off without soaking them.”

 

“No fun in that.” Dean said as he kissed Cas’ neck. “Where’s your room?”

 

Cas took Dean’s hand in his own and lead him up the stairs to his room. He watched as Dean’s eyes glanced around, taking in things that were Cas. Then those beautiful green eyes were on him. 

 

Cas ran his hand over Dean’s chest. “I want you in control tonight.”

 

Dean nodded as he slowly removed Cas’ tie. “You wanting to scene or just sex?”

 

Cas’ eyes flicked to the tie in Dean’s hand then back to his face. He tried to control his breathing. “I don’t care. Just don’t… don’t tie me up.”

 

Dean tossed the tie somewhere behind him then his fingers were undoing the buttons on Cas’ shirt as his lips pressed kisses on his neck. Cas tilted his head as his hand fumbled with Dean’s belt and pants before pushing them down. Dean pulled back yanking his own shirt off before pushing Cas’ shirt off his shoulders and running his hands down his arms. His hands moved to the front of his pants, undoing them and pushing them down until the pooled at Cas’ feet. He then kicked his own jeans and boxers off, but not before removing the line from his pocket.

 

“Do you always carry lube?”

 

Dean smirked at Cas. “I have this really hot boyfriend that likes to fuck me and be fucked by me. I never know when one of us might get pushed against a wall so I like to be prepared.”

 

“Sounds like he’s a lucky guy.” 

 

“Nah. I think I’m the lucky one.”

 

Cas blushed and shifted from one foot to the other. It’s not like he didn’t know how Dean felt about him. It was just hard for Cas to think about Dean wanting him as much as he wanted Dean. 

 

Dean kissed Cas, licking into his mouth as his fingers ran down his spine to his ass. Cas opened his mouth more to give Dean better access as his hips pushed back into the touch. Dean’s fingers left Cas’ ass only to return with lube on them. One finger pressed into him as Dean’s tongue explored his mouth. 

 

Cas hooked one arm around Dean’s neck as his fingers tangled in Dean’s hair. Dean’s finger thrust into Cas as he wrapped his other arm around his waist to hold him up. He pushed a second finger into Cas, swallowing the moan he made. Dean moved his fingers and thrusted them against Cas’ prostate. Cas’ head shot back as his legs trembled. “Dean!”

 

Dean tightened his hold on Cas’ waist as his fingers continued to hit his sweet spot. “I got you, Angel.”

 

Cas held onto Dean tightly as his body trembled. He felt a third finger push into him and buried his face in Dean’s neck with a groan. “Please fuck me, Dean.”

 

Dean pulled his fingers from Cas then his hands were wrapping under Cas’ thighs, wordlessly telling him to wrap them around him. Cas tightened his arms around Dean’s neck before jumping and locking his legs around his waist. He felts his back press against the wall as Dean’s lips captured his in a heated kiss. 

 

Cas felt Dean enter him, moaning into the kiss as he felt the fullness he seemed to always crave now. Dean’s hips created a rhythm as he thrust deep into Cas. Cas tilted his head as Dean’s lips and tongue explored every inch. His head was swimming from all the sensations Dean was making him feel. 

 

Dean’s thrusts started getting harder and faster as they hit Cas’ prostate. Cas’ nails dug into Dean’s back as they ran down it. His breathing increased as he moaned.

 

“Oh fuck...Dean...so fucking close...oh...oh god...yes! Dean!” Cas cried out as his orgasm ripped through him. Dean’s hips snapped harder and then Cas felt Dean’s cum spill into him. He moaned as he clenched his ass around Dean, milking him of every drop. 

 

Dean pulled away from Cas’ neck with a smile and Cas couldn’t help smiling back at him. Dean was perfect. He was everything Cas needed and wanted. So why was it so hard to say the three little words that he so desperately wanted to say right now? 

 

Cas lowered his legs then laid on the bed, pulling Dean on top of him. He ran his fingers through Dean's hair, loving the feeling of having his skin against his own. He placed a gentle kiss to the top of his head as Dean drew designs on his chest.

 

"So...what kinda things do you like to do? ...When you aren't doing me?"

 

Cas looked down at Dean and smiled at the smirk on his lips. "Well, I like to draw. Mainly designs for cars that will never be, but I still like to dream them up."

 

Dean lifted his upper body so he could look down at Cas. "You design cars?"

 

Cas laughed a little. "I am a mechanical engineer, Dean."

 

"What...? You told me you're an accountant."

 

Cas sighed. "Yeah. Was a mechanical engineer. Guess I wasted that degree, huh."

 

Dean gave Cas a sad look, which changed to determination. "I wanna see 'em."

 

"See what?"

 

"You're designs."

 

Cas motioned to some shelves with sketch books. "They're over there."

 

Cas watched as Dean went and grabbed a book. Well, more specially, Cas watched Dean's ass as he moved across the room. Dean took the book to his desk and started flipping through it.

"Cas... These are... amazing."

 

Cas looked away. He missed his old life. He didn't so much miss his life with Amelia as he missed who he was and the things he did. The things he no longer did. He wished he could go back and live that life again, but with Dean. He heard Dean gasp and looked over to see him looking in a different sketch book...the one he left on the desk...shit.

 

"Is...is that me and Baby?"

 

Cas put his hands over his face, his response coming out mumbled. "Yes."

 

"...Can I have it?"

 

Cas glanced over at Dean and watched him study the sketch. "It's just a rough sketch, Dean. It's not even that good."

 

"Not that good? I want to frame it and hang it somewhere everyone can see. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. When did you do it?" Dean's eyes were now on Cas.

 

"Ummm. After our first weekend...when I hadn't heard from you, but couldn't get you out of my head. If you really want it I’ll do a better copy of it.”

 

Dean shook his head. “I want this one, but if you want to do a better one then you can still do it.” Cas watched as Dean continued looking through sketches. “Your drawings remind me of some I have in my house.”

 

Cas hummed and smiled slightly. “Yes. I do remember seeing some of my work on your walls.” He watched as Dean’s head whipped around to look at him.

 

“And you didn’t tell me? Those are some of my favorite pieces. I remember seeing the impala one in a magazine and holy shit...I contacted you about buying it. I think I paid like $200 for it.”

 

Cas didn’t remember seeing the impala drawing, but he remembered selling it. “I didn’t see that one in your home, but when I met you I thought about that drawing and how it would have looked great in your house.”

 

“It’s in my shop. That way I see it while I’m at work and my customers get to see it.” Dean looked back at the drawings. “Wow. I can’t believe I’m dating you. I mean, fuck, I always wanted to meet you.”

 

Cas shifted onto his side and propped himself on his elbow. “Well, now you have. And if you had met me back then I would have been married so it’s better that you met me when you did.”

 

Dean looked back at Cas. “Yeah. I can’t imagine meeting you and it not ending up with us in bed.” Cas blushed as Dean came back to the bed and laid beside him. “How did I get lucky enough to have you as a boyfriend?”

 

Cas gasped. “I’m your boyfriend?” He watched as Dean’s cheeks heated to a rosy shade.

 

“Well, yeah. I mean, we’re dating right? So that’d make us boyfriends right? Or, shit. Is it too soon for labels?”

 

Cas gently caressed Dean’s cheek as he shook his head. “No. It’s not too early. I’m glad to be your boyfriend, Dean.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas has a “bad day”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg! An update! Sorry it’s taken so long!

Cas woke up and reached for Dean, but the bed was empty. He had a moment of panic until his nose caught the smell of coffee. He smiled softly and stretched, Dean was just downstairs, he hadn't left. He furrowed his brow when he heard Dean talking to someone. It's probably just a phone call...no...oh shit! Gabe's home!

 

Cas sprung from the bed and pulled on some sweat pants and hurried down the stairs. The two men in the kitchen not hearing him approach.

 

"So he actually invited someone home? I was starting to think he'd never date again." He heard Gabe say.

 

"We've been seeing each other for a few weeks."

 

"Hmmm. Guess he forgot to mention he had a boyfriend." He hadn't necessarily 'forgotten'. He just didn't feel like Gabe needed to know, because he wasn't ready for all the questions that would come with him knowing.

 

"Guess so." Dean sounded...sad. Did he think he was trying to hide him? I mean Sam knew and Jo and a few other people in Dean's life. But what if he thinks he's not good enough for Cas' family to know. Shit. He should go in there and set this straight...

 

"So have you had to deal with any of his bad days yet?" Cas put his hand on the wall to brace himself. What the actual fuck, Gabe?!

 

"Uh, bad days?"

 

"I'm assuming you know about Amelia." Cas felt tears. What is Gabe trying to accomplish? Is he trying to scare Dean off?

 

"I know she was killed and that it messed him up really bad and he's still dealing with it."

 

"That's an understatement. He lost his job, his house, his friends. Hell he was living in his car for two months before I found out and made him stay here. Then there was the hospital..."

 

"...Oh."

 

"So I'm guessing you don't know what happened?"

 

"...No."

 

Cas held his chest as his brother went into detail about Amelia's murder. How he'd come home from work to find the house torn apart. How he found her kneeling in the living room, crying. How two men overcame him and tied him to a chair. How they shot her, right in front of him, then hit him with the gun to knock him out. He can't do this right now. He...he can't deal with it all. Cas turned for the stairs as tears stained his cheeks. He stumbled and fell with a thud.

 

"Shit! Castiel?"

 

He didn't hear them. He couldn't register. The lines were blurred between the past and reality. Someone was grabbing him. He fought them. He got them on the ground and started beating them. Someone else grabbed him from behind in a bear hug. He struggled. He wasn't going to let them get the best of him again.

 

"Castiel! It's Gabe! I've got you. You're ok. You're at our house. Calm down."

 

Cas stopped struggling. He blinked a few times. "G-Gabe?"

 

"Yeah. It's me little bro. Just calm down."

 

Cas let out a shaky breath. It's just Gabe. He's ok. Wait...that means...oh shit! He looked at the person on the floor. Dean. Cas sobbed and pulled away from Gabe, dropping to the floor next to Dean. "D-Dean..."

 

Dean sat up wincing. "That's a mean right hook you have there, angel."

 

Cas gently pulled Dean to him as tears streamed down his face. "I'm so sorry, Dean! I didn't see you! I only saw them... I couldn't let them get me again..."

 

Dean pulled back a little and wiped Cas' tears. He kissed him softly, wincing at the pressure against his split lip. "I know, angel. It's ok. How's your hand?"

 

Cas looked at his bloody hand. "...It hurts."

 

"Not surprised. I've been told I'm very fucking hard headed."

 

Cas laughed a little. "Yeah. I think Sam mentioned that a time or two when describing you."

 

Dean rolled his eyes. "Come on. Let's go doctor each other up." Cas nodded and got up, going up the stairs. He heard Gabe say something to Dean about watching him. Right now he was ...ok, but even he knew it's possible that his 'bad day' wasn't over yet. He felt Dean come up beside him and wrap an arm around him, holding him as they went up to his bathroom.

 

Cas got the first aid kit down and wet a washcloth to clean Dean's face. He frowned when Dean pulled away and grabbed his wrist.

 

"You first, angel."

 

"Dean, it's just my hand. I split your lip and eyebrow. You might need stitches."

 

Dean removed the wash cloth from Cas' hand. "Don't matter. You first. It'll always be you first."

Cas sighed as he let Dean clean up his hand. It was sore, but most of the blood was Dean's, which made him feel like complete shit. He swallowed a lump. "She was pregnant." Dean's hand stopped what it was doing and he slowly looked up to meet Cas' eyes.

 

"Oh god, Cas. I'm so sorry." Cas shrugged and wiped away tears. "I didn't know until that night. She begged them not to hurt her because she was. I wasn't sure if it was a survival tactic or not, but it was confirmed after her death."

 

Cas took a deep breath and took the wash cloth from Dean. He very gently started cleaning off his face. There was a moment of silence, but Cas could tell Dean was about to break it. "What?"

 

"Is...is that why you aren't comfortable with me tying you up?" Cas' hand stilled for a moment before continuing to wipe away blood. "...Yeah. It's not that I don't trust you, because I do. I'm just afraid it will trigger memories and something like this...could happen."

 

Dean gently grabbed Cas' wrist and waited for him to look at him. "If it's something you want to do then we can ease into it. If I end up with a black eye then it's my fault."

 

Cas shook his head and put butterfly tape on Dean's injuries. "Maybe."

 

Dean smiled at Cas. "So am I gonna pull through Doctor?"

 

"You'll be fine. I might not be after Sam and Jo find out though."

 

"Nah. They'll ask what I did to deserve it."

 

Cas shook his head then leaned against Dean’s chest. “Dean? Can you take me home?” Dean’s arms wrapped around Cas’ body.

 

“Uh, we’re at your house.”

 

Cas shook his head slightly. “Gabe’s house. I want to go home with you.”

 

Dean’s fingers gently carded through Cas’ hair. “For the day? Over night? What are you thinking?”

 

“A few nights at least...if that’s ok.”

 

“You can stay with me as long as you want, Angel. We’ll need to pack some clothes if you’re staying for a while though. Unless you’re planning on keeping me in bed the whole time.”

 

Cas snuggled against Dean. “As nice as that sounds we probably shouldn’t stay confined in the bedroom.”

 

“Maybe you’ll let me take a look under the hood of your car?”

 

Cas pulled away a little and looked Dean in the eyes. “Only if I’m allowed to help. It was my dad’s. I surprised Amelia with it shortly after we got married. She’d seen it in his garage and loved it and honestly I’d been thinking about asking for it for a while. Amelia and I were supposed to work on it together. Obviously, that never happened.” Cas sighed softly. “After what happened I sold our cars, but I couldn’t sell dad’s car.”

 

Dean smiled softly as he caressed Cas’ cheek. “Of course we can work on it together. I’m honored you’d want to include me in her restoration. I bet you were quite the grease monkey before you got a fancy suit job.”

 

Cas took Dean’s hands in his, studying them. His fingers were calloused, grease clung in the folds and cracks and made its home under his nails. “I don’t think I was as much of one as you are. I was more of a hobbyist. You really only saw grease on my hands during the weekends.” Cas slowly looked up at Dean. “But something tells me that’s about to change.”

 

Dean squeezed Cas’s hands. “Only if it’s what you want. I could always use another set of hands in the garage.”

 

Cas smiled softly as he grabbed some bags from the closet and started packing them with Dean’s help. He grabbed his portfolio and put a few books in it then dragged it and the bags down the stairs.

 

Gabe looked up at Cas and Dean then at the bags and portfolio with a raised eyebrow. “You moving out?”

 

Dean wrapped an arm around Cas. “He wants to come stay with me for a few days.” He kissed Cas’ temple. “Go load the car, Angel. I’ll be right out.” Dean watched Cas go outside then looked at Gabe. “I know you’re worried about him and you just found out about me, but I love him, Gabe. I’ll be there for him when he has bad days.” He pulled out his wallet and handed a business card to Gabe. “That’s my number and my house is next door to the shop. Maybe we’ll have you over for burgers tomorrow?”

 

Gabe looked at the card then at Dean. “I’m free tomorrow. Is he moving in with you? He packed more than what he needs for a few nights.”

 

Dean shrugged. “He asked me to take him home and said he wants to stay a few nights. If he wants to move in then he’s more than welcome to.”

 

Gabe handed Dean a business card after writing his cell number on it. “If you need anything, call me.”

 

“I will.” Dean said as he picked up a bag and headed out the door. He walked over to Cas’ car and put the bag in the back. “What?”

 

“What did he say to you? What did you say to him?”

 

“Don’t worry, Cas. He’s just worried and wanted to make sure I’d take care of you. I told him I would.”

 

“He thinks I’m moving out.”

 

Dean sized Cas up. “Are you?”

 

Cas shrugged. “I’d kinda like to get out of Gabe’s house. He treats me like I’m going to break any minute. You’ve never treated me like that.”

 

Dean got in the car and looked at Cas when he did the same. “That’s because you’re not that breakable. I’ll always hold you when you’re having a bad day or you need a little extra support, but those moments don’t make you fragile.” Dean placed his hand on Cas’ thigh. “And if you want to move in with me the invitation is already there. I have plenty of room and can make a spare room into a studio for you.”

 

Cas smiled softly at Dean. “Thank you.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas wakes up at Dean’s and struggles to remember the previous day. Gabe comes over for dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *gasp* An update! Charmin365 has been helping me get back on track! 😊

Cas woke up with a headache that only came after having an episode. He’d had another episode. Fuck. I’d been months since he’d had one. He opened his eyes and glanced around. This wasn’t his room or Gabe’s room. He blinked a few times. Dean’s room. He was in Dean’s room...Dean’s bed...with Dean’s firm body pressed against his back and his arm around him. 

Cas placed his hand on Dean’s a slotted their fingers together with a slight wince. He glanced down at his hand to find the knuckles were bruised. He’d hit something. Cas tried to remember the day before. He heard Dean and Gabe talking in the kitchen. Gabe was telling Dean about the attack. He had an episode and hit...Dean! He hit Dean!

Cas flipped over on the bed, disturbing Dean’s sleep. Cas’ fingers gently caressed the bruises that had formed on Dean’s beautiful face.

Dean hissed and pulled back. “It’s ok. I’ve had worse.” Dean mumbled.

“But not from me. I’m so sorry, Dean.”

Dean kissed Cas carefully. “I’m ok. How are you feeling? We got back here and you crashed.”

Cas pushed Dean’s shoulder so he was on his back then curled up with his head on Dean’s chest. “Have a headache and my body aches. I was a little confused when I woke up. I wasn’t even sure where I was. It took a second to to realize I was in bed with you in your room.”

Dean’s fingers ran the length of Cas’ spine. “Is this normal after an episode?”

“Yes. That was a mild episode. It came and went pretty fast. Sometimes they last for hours and it takes a few days to recover. I’ve almost been fired because of that.”

“Do you ever know one is coming before it does? Is there anything I can do to stop one before it comes or after it’s started”

Cas snuggled closer. “Sometimes I know, but not all the time. Gabe typically just holds me and tells me I’m safe and where I am and who I’m with until I calm down. 

“Why didn’t you tell me about this?”

Cas sigh softly. “I didn’t want you to think I’m broken.”

Dean kissed the top of Cas’ head, wincing slightly. “I don’t think you’re broken. I think you went through a fucking horrible experience and you’re dealing with it the best you can.” Cas kissed Dean’s chest. “I knew about your case. I remember Sam telling me about it. He didn’t mention names, of course. Fuck. I can’t believe that was you. I remember I made you a pie.”

“My first day in court. Yes. I remember that.”

“I knew you were innocent. The things Sam told me...I knew you didn’t kill her. I’m so sorry they dragged your name through the mud and made you go through all that shit. I’m glad you called Sam though. If you hadn’t had him your verdict might have been different.”

“Gabe called him. He told me he was one of the best around and he’d make sure the jury saw I was innocent. He did an amazing job. I felt like I actually mattered to him and then he wanted to stay friends after the trial was over and I knew I mattered.”

Dean ran his fingers through Cas’ hair. “You did matter. He’d stay up all hours of the night just working on your case. He caught things even the police missed when he was allowed into the house. That evidence helped your case more than he thought it would.”

Cas looked up at Dean. “What’d he find?”

Dean glanced down at Cas. “Maybe we shouldn’t be talking about this. You just had an episode yesterday.”

Cas shook his head. “What evidence did he find?”

Dean searched Cas’ eyes then continued playing with his hair. “The used condom that wasn’t filled with  _ your _ DNA.”

Cas thought about that for a moment. He remembered when that evidence had been brought up in court and how everything seemed to shift from him being guilty to not guilty. He’d never known Sam was the one to find it. He just knew it was found after the initial search of the house.

“You ok?”

Cas nodded. “I didn’t realize that was found because of him. Before that day I knew they’d find me guilty. I mean I was divorcing my pregnant wife that was cheating on me. I knew how it looked. Especially after they came out and said it wasn’t mine. But I never would have hurt her like that. If she was alive we’d be having dinners together.”

“Speaking of dinner, I invited Gabe over to eat with us tonight if you’re up to it.”

Cas smiled softly. “I am.” He leaned into Dean’s touch when his nails scratched at his scalp. “Did you mean it yesterday when you said I could move here?”

“I did.”

Cas ran his finger around Dean’s nipple. “I think I’d like to try that.”

Dean shivered slightly. “Ok. Should we ask Gabe to bring more over or go back ourselves?”

Cas shrugged. “I’d just get what’s left in my room. That’s mainly just clothes.”

“Ok. We’ll let him know today then we’ll go back for your stuff later. If you decide it’s too soon then I’ll help you move stuff back. I don’t want you to feel like you’re trapped here.”

“Thank you, Dean.”

————

Gabe walked into the house looking around. “Nice place, Dean-o.” He said as he looked around some more.

“Thanks. He’s in the kitchen.”

Gabe nodded. “How is he? Any more episodes?”

“He’s good. He passed out almost as soon as we got here. He said he was sore and confused this morning and it took a while to realize where he was, but no freak outs. He, uh, wants to try living here. We’re telling you over dinner.”

“Ok, but I expect dinners here or at my place every week or two and updates if there are problems.”

Dean nodded. “I want to thank you for hiring my brother for his trial. If you hadn’t I probably wouldn’t be with him right now.”

“Wait. You’re  _ that _ Dean? Wow. Small world.”

Dean laughed softly. “Yeah.”

“Well, now I know how to get dirt on you.”

Dean laughed. “Sammy wouldn’t give you dirt on me.”

“And I’ll never give you dirt on Cassie.” Gabe said as he elbowed Dean. “Free one. He loves bees. Like, he’s obsessed and has wanted a hive since he was five. He also like to plant flowers that help bees.”

“Really? I have hives. A friend of mine asked if he could set some up out here since I’m outside of town and have the space. I’ll have to let him know about them.”

“He’ll be out there as much as possible. You might never see him again.” Gabe said with a chuckle. “Ok. Another free one. He hates his job. He hates his boss. He shouldn’t be doing accounting for some asshole. He should be designing cars again.”

Dean nodded. “I agree. I’m not gonna push him into anything, but I’ll support him when he decides to make the switch.”

“Good. Now let’s eat.” Gabe said as he clapped his hands and rubbed them together.

Dean lead Gabe into the kitchen and walked up beside Cas, kissing his temple. “Hey, babe. Your brother is here.”

Cas leaned into the kiss. “I know. You were talking in the front hallway. I’m sure he gave you the ‘you hurt my brother and I kill you’ speech.”

“Nah. That was yesterday. He just wanted to make sure you’re ok.”

Cas looked over his shoulder at Gabe. “I’m fine. That was a very mild episode. You and Dean helped to ground me afterwards and kept it from getting worse. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome little bro. So, what’s for dinner?”

“Dean’s grilling steaks. I’m making twice baked potatoes and salad.” Cas said as he worked on the potatoes.

“Oh, man. I love your twice baked potatoes. You ever had them, Dean?”

Dean sat at the table, motioning for Gabe to do the same. “Nope. I’m looking forward to them though.”

Cas worked on the food, smiling to himself as he listened to Dean and Gabe talk. He’d been afraid that they wouldn’t get along. He’d expected Gabe to be his trickster self and piss Dean off, but so far that side of him hadn’t surfaced. Cas wasn’t sure if it was because he’d just had an episode or if Gabe could tell how much he liked Dean and was honestly trying to give him a chance. Either way he was very thankful.

Dinner went off without a hitch. Gabe loved Dean’s steak and said that if they fed him like that every time he visited he just might not ever leave. When it came time to tell Gabe he was moving in with Dean, Gabe supported him and told him his room would always be there if he needed to come back. Cas wasn’t sure how he expected Gabe to react, but he definitely didn’t think Gabe would be supportive.

The three of them talked well into the night. Dean offered Gabe the guest room, but Gabe declined saying he needed to get home and didn’t need to be in their way any longer. They said their goodbyes and watched Gabe drive away before locking up for the night.

Cas leaned against Dean, kissing him softly. “Thank you.”

“For what?” Dean asked with a smile.

Cas shrugged. “For letting me move in. For inviting Gabe over. For being you.”

Dean caressed Cas’ cheek. “You don’t have to thank me for any of that. Come on. Let’s go to bed.” Dean took Cas’ hand and lead him up to their bedroom. Cas watched Dean strip to his boxers as he did the same then they both crawled into bed. 

Cas snuggled against Dean with a happy sigh. “This is nice. I like just being able to snuggle with you in bed.”

“I like it too, Angel.” Dean said as he played with Cas’ hair. “Get some sleep. We’ve got a big day tomorrow. I want us to check out your old gal and see what’s going on with her if you’re up to it.”

“‘Kay.”

Dean kissed the top of Cas’ head then slowly fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas harvest honey and check out Cas’ car

After breakfast, Dean grabbed a large bag and smiled at Cas. “Come on. I’ve got something to show you.” He said as he walked out to his truck and got in. Cas got in the passenger side and glanced at Dean, who smiled even bigger at him. 

Dean started the truck and drove toward the tree line then through the break in the trees. Cas could see a clearing ahead and watched as they broke through. He gasped at the sight in front of him. The field was covered in wildflowers and there were bee boxes. Cas grabbed Dean’s arm. “You have bees?”

Dean drove closer to one cluster of boxes. “Yup. There’s ten back here. Technically eight of them belong to a friend, but their basically mine. He has his own on his property. He just wanted to expand and help the bees repopulate.” He said as he put the truck in park and looked over at Cas. “You know anything about harvesting honey?”

Cas nodded enthusiastically. “I’ve never done it, but I know how to. I’ve wanted bees since I was little.”

Dean smiled and pulled a net hat out and handed it to Cas, kissing him softly. “Well, now you have some.”

Cas smiled as he took the hat and put it on then got out of the truck. Dean grabbed his own hat and the smoker and his frame lifting tool. He got the smoker lit then put the hat on before handing the tool to Cas. “I smoke and you pick the boxes?”

Cas nodded. “Ok.” He went over to the first box and waited for Dean to smoke it before removing the top. Cas looked on in amazement at the activity in the hive. He carefully removed a few frames the check them. “This looks like a good one to pull.”

“I’m not surprised. It’s a little overdue so they should be pretty full.”

Cas removed the box and placed it on the truck then repeated the process until he came across the brood chambers. He pulled a few out then gasped when he found the queen.

“Wanna mark her?”

“Can I?”

Dean chuckled softly. “Go ahead and get her out.”

Cas carefully removed the queen and handled her delicately. He took the marker from Dean and pressed it to her. He held her for a little longer before releasing her and putting the frame back. 

They repeated the process for the rest of the hives then got in the truck. Cas slid across the bench, taking Dean’s face in his hands and kissed him deeply. “This was amazing, Dean.”

Dean smiled and ran his thumb over Cas’ lower lip. “I’m glad you liked it. It was nice having someone to help me for once.”

Cas smiled and kissed Dean again. He pulled back and leaned his head on Dean’s shoulder as Dean drove them back to the house. Dean parked the truck near a shed and got out, opening the door and flipping on the light. Cas followed him, looking around at the equipment and buckets of honey.

“What do you do with the honey?”

“I can it and sell it at the shop. My regulars know I have it and some come knocking at the door when they need more. I’ve had a booth at the farmers market a couple times, but sometimes it’s hard to maintain that and my shop so that doesn’t happen as much as I’d like it to.”

“I can help with that, too. I could even make some treats and soaps and stuff like that made with honey for us to sell.”

Dean kissed Cas softly. “Have at it. Make anything you want. You get us going and I’ll help as much as I can.” Cas grinned.

Dean walked out to the truck and started carrying boxes in. When Cas started to do the same Dean stopped him. “You start extracting. I’ll get the boxes. Empty five gallons are stacked over there. They’re all clean and ready to go. The filter is in the top one.”

Cas nodded and set everything up. He started removing frames and scraping the caps off then put them into the extractor to force the honey out of the combs. He watched as honey flowed into the filter. He smiled at Dean when he brought another box in. 

“You’re a natural at this, Angel. You’re doing way better than I did my first time. I didn’t have shit lined up and took my eyes off it and wasted a few jars worth on the floor. It was a mess.”

Cas chuckled. “I can imagine it was.” Dean sat and watched Cas as he worked. Cas was beaming. He could barely think of a time where he was happier than he was right now. He glanced up at Dean and quirked an eyebrow. “What?”

Dean had his lopsided grin plastered on his face which turned into one of his beautiful smiles. “You’re gorgeous.” Cas blushed and looked down. “I mean, you’re always beautiful, but when you’re like this… When you’re so happy you’re practically glowing, you’re so fucking gorgeous.”

Cas went back to working as he shyly kept his eyes off Dean. “I’m happy because of you, you know.”

Dean chuckled. “You’re happy because of the bees.”

Cas glanced over at Dean. “And I have them because I have you.”

It was Dean’s turn to blush. “Well, I’m glad I can make you happy.”

Cas smiled as he finished extracting the last of the honey. He walked over to Dean and touched his cheeks with his sticky hands, making Dean laugh. He leaned in kissing Dean deeply, licking into his mouth and swallowing his moan. Cas slowly pulled back and searched Dean’s eyes as he kept his hold on his cheeks. “I love you.”

Dean gasped and his eyes widened. Green eyes searched blue. “I love you, too.”

————

After lunch Dean had Cas pull his car into the shop. Dean popped the hood and started looking around in the engine. Cas sat back and watched as Dean poked and prodded the poor, neglected car. “She needs a lot of work, Cas.”

“I know.”

“I mean some of this is gonna be a complete overhaul.”

“I know.”

“We’ll probably have to pull the engine out and rebuild.”

“I know.”

“And then there’s the body work.”

“I know, Dean.” Dean glanced over at Cas, who was rolling his eyes at him. “I know what’s wrong with her and what it will take to fix her. I just haven’t done it.”

“Oh. Right. I forgot you’re not my typical customer. So, uh, when do you want to get started?”

Cas shrugged. “Now I guess. I’ll just need something to drive while she’s out of commission.”

“Yeah. You can drive the truck or we can get something from Bobby. He’s got a few cars.”

“The truck will be fine.”

Dean nodded. “Ok. Well, we need to get a list going of the parts we need to order….. or maybe I should just ask if you already have that.” Dean said when he saw the look Cas gave him.

“I have one started. It’s a few months old so we may have to add to it.”

“You ok with me working on her without you or do you want this to be something that’s only worked on while you’re here to help?”

Cas thought about this for a moment. He really wanted to be there for every step, but that would leave only the weekends for them to work on it together. That meant it would take that much longer to get her done and back on the road. “I don’t mind if you do stuff as long as you let me know first. There’s some things I want to be here for.”

Dean smiled softly. “Fair enough.”

“So what do you want to do right now?”

Dean explained what he thought they could could get done that afternoon and Cas was more than happy to help him. It’d been a long time since either of them worked on a car with someone else so it took a while for them to figure out the dance that was needed to not be in each other’s way, but once they did things ran smoothly.

They talked and laughed and smeared grease on each other’s faces. Dean smiled as he watched Cas work. He’d forgotten how much he enjoyed being in the garage with someone else. The last time he’d shared this space with anyone was when he was helping Sam work on his car, but Sam mainly just provided company and didn’t get his hands too dirty. Hot shot lawyers can’t have grease under their nails, you know.

But here was Cas. This nerdy looking CPA working in a big office, wearing suits and ties, and getting grease imbedded into the cracks of his knuckles and under his nails. He’d be going to work with hands that looked like a mechanic’s. Just the thought of that was a major turn on for Dean. He tried to picture what Cas would look like, like that and realized he’d never seen the man in a suit.

“What? You’re looking at me like I’m some sort of puzzle.”

“I’m trying to picture you in a suit.”

“Huh? You’ve seen me in one...haven’t you?”

“No. I’ve seen you in slacks and a dress shirt, but not a full suit.”

Cas looked surprised. He practically lived in suits, but Dean was right. He always changed before seeing Dean. “Well, you’ll get to see it every week, Monday through Friday.”

“I look forward to it.”

Cas shrugged as he focused on what he was doing. “I don’t know why you would. It’s just me being uncomfortable in very structured clothing. I like dressing like I do around you. I can’t remember the last time I allowed myself to dress comfortably.” Cas stopped and looked up at Dean. “It had to have been before I met Amelia. Maybe in high school? But even then I never really dressed down.”

“Ah. So I turned you into some lazy slacker when it comes to clothes.”

Cas tilted his head slightly. “I think you did. I haven’t lounged around in sweats until you gave me a pair to wear that first weekend I was here. Of course they didn’t stay on long.”

Dean laughed. “No. They didn’t.” Dean rubbed the back of his neck then wrinkled his nose when he realized he’d just smeared grease there. “But, uh, back to the suits. Think you could, uh, go all Dom in one...sometime?”

Cas raised an eyebrow as his lips quirked into a smirk. “I bet if I took off the jacket, loosened my tie, and rolled up my sleeves you’d be putty in my fingers.”

Dean groaned. “Fuck, Cas. Really? You just had to give me a boner right now?”

Cas rolled his eyes. “You were already working yourself up to one just trying to picture me in a suit.”

“Shut up.”

Cas laughed as he turned back to the engine. “I’ll fulfill your fantasy, but I’m not going to let you know when.”

“I can’t wait.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas has a really bad day

Cas was having a bad day, a really, really bad day. He’d seen Dean out with a woman on his way to work, which made him late then had to be alone in Adler’s office with him. When he’d escaped he ran into one of his coworkers and spilled their coffee all over him. The only good thing to come out of it? He had a good excuse to go home early. Maybe he and Dean could get some work done on his car and he could keep his mind off of everything that happened.

He pulled up to the house, eyeing the car in his normal spot then got out of the truck. He could hear Dean’s music blasting at the shop and assumed that whoever was visiting must be over there. Cas went into the house, setting down his briefcase then went up the stairs to their bedroom as he pulled his tie off and started removing his stained shirt. He stopped in the doorway when his eyes landed on the brunette from the coffee shop laying in his spot.

“Who the fuck are you? And what are you doing here?”

The brunette gasped and clutched the sheets to her naked body. “Who am I? Who are you? What are you doing in my boyfriend’s house?!?”

Cas’ blood ran cold. “You’re what?”

“Dean!”

Cas stumbled backwards, catching himself before he could fall. “How long?”

“I’ve been dating Dean for years!”

Cas clutched his chest. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening. Cas took deep calming breaths. He couldn’t have a meltdown here. He had to get out of here. Cas stumbled down the stairs and out the door. He blinked a few times and stumbled to the truck.

“Cas?” Dean asked as he walked toward the house. “What are you doing home early. I wasn’t expecting you until later.”

“Yeah, I bet you weren’t!” Cas yelled as he charged at Dean, punching him in the face.

“What the fuck?!?”

“Dean? Who is he and why was he in our room? He saw me naked!”

Dean held his sore face. “Lisa? What the fuck?”

“Lisa? Seriously, Dean? You’re cheating on me with your ex!” Cas roared as he hit Dean again.

“Owww! Fuck! I’m not cheating on you!”

“So you’re cheating on me?”

“What are you even fucking doing here, Lisa?!? How did you get into my house?!?” Dean leaned against the truck as he blinked.

“It’s our house, Dean. I have a key. Why does  _ he _ have a key?”

“No, Lisa. This is my fucking house, no, scratch that. It’s  _ mine _ and  _ Cas _ ’ fucking house. He has a key because he’s my boyfriend and he fucking lives here. You walked out on me years ago! I told you it’s over and it’s been over for a while now. I agreed to meet you for coffee for fucking old times sake. When you kissed me, I told you to stop, but obviously I didn’t make myself clear. We are DONE we have been DONE for a long time. I’m with Cas now, as long as he still wants me after this shit, but even if he doesn’t, you and I are DONE.” Dean held his head as his legs started to give out on him.

“Dean!” Cas ran over to him, catching him before he could fall. “Of course I still want you.” Dean leaned against Cas as he closed his eyes. Cas held him close as he glared at Lisa. “I suggest you get your shit and get the hell out of our house before I call the cops!”

Lisa scoffed and stepped into the house then came back out with her purse. “You’ll regret this, Dean. He’ll get tired of you and you’ll try to come back to me, but it’ll be too late.”

“That’s never going to happen. Dean and I are getting married. We’ll send you an invitation, but it’ll probably get lost in the mail.” Cas said as he helped Dean into the house then locked the door behind them.

“We’re getting married?” Dean asked as he glanced at Cas.

Cas shrugged. “We probably will. I just wanted to make sure she knew this wasn’t just some fling.”

Dean sat on the couch and gently touched his face with a hiss. “Dude. You seriously have to stop hitting me in the money maker.”

“Thought your money maker was your hands.” Cas joked as he sat down.

“Ha. Ha. Very funny.”

“I’m sorry. I saw you at the coffee shop, then finding her in our bed… and her saying you’re her boyfriend… I snapped.” Cas lifted Dean’s chin and looked at his face with a sigh. “Ice.” Cas said as he started to get up.

Dean put a hand on his shoulder. “I got it.” He said as he went into the kitchen then came back with an ice pack and sat back down. “You ok?”

Cas put his head in his hands. “I...don’t know.”

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas, sighing when the other man started crying. “I got you, Cas.” Cas leaned into Dean, clutching his shirt. Dean rocked Cas as he cried harder and started shaking. “Cas, I swear, I wasn’t cheating on you. I love you, Castiel.” Cas cried and shook his head. “Yeah, I do.”

“W-work.”

“Something happened at work?” Cas nodded. “What happened?”

Cas cried harder “A-Adler t-touched m-me.”

Dean stiffened. “He touched you. Did he only touch you or did he  _ touch _ you?”

Cas shook his head as he took shaky breaths. “Only t-touched me. He...he started t-to undo my p-pants. I ran.”

Dean kissed the top of Cas’ head. “You’re not going back to that job. As of today, you quit.”

Cas shifted so his head was under Dean’s chin. “I h-have to have a job.”

Dean rested his cheek in Cas’ hair. “Winchester Restoration could use a CPA. I hear the owner is hot, so that’s a plus.”

Cas huffed a laugh. “Hot doesn’t cover it.”

“Sexy as fuck?”

Cas laughed a little. “You really want me working with you? Won’t you get tired of me?”

Dean hugged Cas tightly. “I’d love for you to work with me and I’d like it if you didn’t just work in the office. I know you weren’t happy with that stuffy office job. I’d like it if you helped in the garage sometimes or if you just sat in the garage visiting with me. You could bring your pad over and do some sketches, too. Maybe we could offer them in the office? Most of my clients are like me and love their cars. They’d probably pay good money for a sketch of it, especially from you.”

Cas sighed happily. “That sounds wonderful.”

Dean smiled softly as he ran his hand over Cas’ back. “So? You gonna take the job? You can set your own hours and wear whatever you want to work. You wanna spend half the day lounging in your pajamas doing paperwork? Have at it.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “I wouldn’t wear pajamas to work, Dean. Yes, I’ll take the job.”

“Awesome. Did you have anything at the office that you needed to get? Pictures? Plants? Your favorite stapler?”

Cas shifted uncomfortably. “I do need to pack up my office.”

Dean kissed the top of Cas’ head. “Then let’s get you changed and grab a box and go get that done so it’s over with.”

“You’ll go with me?”

“I’ll be right there packing things with you. If Adler tries to come near you I’ll rip his head off.” Dean pulled back a little, making Cas look at him. “I won’t let him touch you again.”

Cas searched Dean’s eyes and nodded. He gently ran his fingers over the bruises on Dean’s face. “I’m so sorry. I should have known you’d never do that to me.”

“It’s ok, Cas. I would have thought the same thing if I were you. But if you really feel that bad, I know a few ways you can make it up to me.” Dean said with a wink.

“I’m sure you do.” Cas replied as he slowly got up, testing his unsteady legs. Cas glanced at Dean. “I might still have a meltdown. I can still feel it under my skin. But you’re right. I need to change and clear out my office so tomorrow I can wake up knowing I never have to go back there again.”

Dean stood and wrapped his arms around Cas. “I’ll stay with you until the feeling is gone. We’ll get your stuff then come back here and I’ll hold you the rest of the day if that’s what you need.”

Cas kissed Dean softly. “Thank you.” He said as he went up the stairs removing his clothes. Dean followed and pulled out some comfortable clothes, from his own dresser, for Cas to change into, handing them to him once he was down to his boxers. Cas smiled softly as he took the clothes then put them on. He looked down at himself in the faded blue jeans and Led Zeppelin shirt. 

“You ready?” Cas nodded hesitantly. “How big of a box do we need? Do we need more than one?”

Cas chewed on his lower lip. “I don’t know. Maybe two?”

Dean went into another room and came back with two flattened boxes. “This size good?”

“I guess.” Dean took Cas’ hand in his own, kissing him softly, then lead him out to the truck. He put the boxes and tape in the backseat then got in the front, holding his hand out for the keys. Cas got in beside him and dropped the keys into his hand.

“So, what should I expect when we get there?” Dean asked as he drove.

Cas sighed. “Adler will want to talk to me in private and try to talk me out of leaving.”

“Not happening.”

“Alfie will be upset and apologize for ruining my suit even though I ran into him.”

“Right. He’s the awkward guy we saw at the grocery store, right? I thought he looked like he worked there.”

Cas laughed a little. “Yeah. That was Alfie.” Cas reached for Dean’s hand and smiled when their hands connected. “Everyone else will probably just say bye and that they're sad to see me go. You know, the usual.”

Dean kissed the back of Cas’ hand. “So we’re only concerned about Adler?”

“Yeah.”

Dean parked when they arrived at the office. “I want you to start packing your stuff up and I’ll deal with Adler.”

“Dean…”

Dean caressed Cas’ cheek. “You don’t need to see him or be around him after what he did. I’ll let him know you’re quitting and that he better not ever fucking touch you again.”

Cas sighed. “I knew you wouldn’t just leave it at I’m quitting.”

“If it gets to be too much for you before I get to your office, I want you to call me and I’ll come back to you. Ok?”

Cas nodded. “Ok.” Cas got out with the boxes and tape and walked inside with Dean. He motioned to where his office was and where Adler’s is, then went into his own and started packing.

Dean walked over to Adler’s office and pushed the door open without knocking.

“Excuse me! Who do you think you are?”

Dean walked over to the desk, slamming his hand down on it. “I’m your worst fucking nightmare, douchebag.”

Adler reached for the office phone and Dean ripped the cord from it. “Castiel Novak quits. If he has any vacation time then I expect him to be compensated for those hours.”

Adler scoffed. “He can’t just quit. He has to give written notice.”

Dean cocked an eyebrow. “Should he also give a statement that you tried to rape him this morning?”

“What? That’s absurd!”

Dean reached across the desk, grabbing Adler’s tie and pulling him close. “You ever fucking touch Cas again or contact Cas again and I’ll rip your balls off and shove them down your throat. We’re packing up his office and I expect you to stay put until we’re gone. If he sees your face, hears your voice, or has to breathe the same air as you again today, then the same promise as before applies. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yeah.” Adler grumbled as he glared at Dean.

“Good.” Dean said as he shoved Adler back into his seat then left the room. He walked down to where Cas was filling the first box. “Hey, babe.” He said as he wrapped his arms around him from behind.

Cas sighed and leaned back against Dean. “He’s not bleeding on the floor is he?”

Dean kissed Cas’ temple. “Nope. I’m not getting hauled off in cuffs today. Let’s get this done so I can get you home and into our bed.”

Cas smiled as he pressed his forehead against Dean’s neck then pulled away to continue packing. Dean pulled him back. “You sit down. I’ll pack.” Cas nodded and sat in his chair. Dean gently ran his fingers through Cas’ hair before throwing things into the boxes. Once he was done he glanced outside the office and saw someone sitting at a desk with the nameplate ‘Alfred’ so he walked over. “You Alfie?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Think you can help me carry a box to my truck for Castiel?” Alfie nodded and followed him into the office, picking up a box.

“I hate to see you leaving, but I know wherever you’re going has to be better than here.”

Cas smiled softly as he slowly got up. “It is.”

Dean got one box propped, so he was holding it with one arm then wrapped the other around Cas. They walked to the elevator, then out to the truck and put the boxes in, saying goodbye to Castiel’s former job for good.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean helps Cas through his meltdown and they end up having sexy time.

Dean parked at the house and helped Cas out of the truck. The boxes could wait until later. He wrapped an arm around Cas and helped him inside and to their bedroom. Dean gently removed Cas’ clothes and started to help him into the bed. 

Cas froze, shaking his head. “Can you change the sheets first, please?” He practically whimpered.

“Shit. Yeah. Sorry.” Dean ran to the linen closet and pulled out new sheets. He quickly changed the bedding, then helped Cas into bed. He  __ hurried to pulled his own clothes off and got in, pulling Cas against him. “Pretty shitty day today, huh.”

Cas nodded and wiped at his eyes. “I didn’t want to believe that you’d cheat on me. I saw you on the way to work and I saw her kissing you. If the Impala hadn’t been right there, I would have told myself there was no way it was you.”

Dean sighed and kissed the top of Cas’ head. “She called and said she wanted to see me. I tried to get out of it, but she kept pushing and said getting coffee wouldn’t hurt anything. I should have known better, Cas. I’m so sorry. I’m guessing you didn’t see me push her away.” Cas shook his head. “Then you also didn’t see how mad I was or how I stormed out and left. I don’t know why the fuck she came back here.”

Cas swallowed hard and wiped his eyes. “I was late to work cause I freaked out and had to calm down. Adler was mad and said he needed to see me in his office. He said he could overlook my being almost an hour late if I’d let him fuck me. I...I froze. He started touching me. When his hand was inside my pants, I flipped out and shoved him away and ran out of the office. That’s when I ran into Alfie. I used the coffee as the reason I had to come home, but really, I was about to have a full blown meltdown. Then, I came home and found her… and… I don’t know why it hasn’t hit yet. I feel it under my skin.”

Dean held Cas close, kissing the top of his head. “I’ll be right here when it does hit. I’m not going anywhere.” Dean played with Cas’ hair, feeling every little tremble that shook his boyfriend’s body. 

It took about an hour for Cas’ meltdown to appear. It started with tears, then hiccuping, crying, then full on sobbing. Dean held Cas for hours while he cried. The whole time he whispered to him, telling him how much he loved him and that he’d always be there for him when he needed him, that he’d never let him go.

Cas’ breathing finally evened out roughly six hours later. Dean kissed the top of his head and carefully got out of bed. He hurried to the kitchen grabbing snacks and drinks that he could take to the bedroom and went back up. He put the items on the side table and slipped back into bed with Cas. Luckily, Cas didn’t wake up while he was gone. He held Cas as he ate some of the snacks and drank a bottle of water, then he relaxed and pulled Cas closer. He closed his eyes and drifted off, not knowing if Cas would still be in the middle of his meltdown when he woke up or not.

————

Dean woke up a few hours later to Cas sobbing into his chest. Dean gently rubbed soothing circles into his back as he held Cas close. 

“Is there any part of the day that has you more upset than the others?”

Cas wiped his eyes as he nodded.

“Which part is that?”

“L-Lisa.”

“Because you saw us together or because she was in our bed?”

“Because I thought you d-didn’t love me anym-more.”

Dean sighed as he pressed his lips to the top of Cas’ head. “That’s not gonna happen, Cas. You have no idea just how gone I am on you. When I think about the future, I see you by my side. I see us running the garage together. I see us at the farmers market with our honey and other products. I see us going on road trips in Baby or the Chevelle. I see you driving Baby.”

Cas lifted his head and looked up at Dean. “You don’t let anyone drive Baby. Not even Sam.”

“I’d let you.”

“Why?”

Dean gently brushed Cas’ hair back. “Because I also see rings on our fingers.”

Cas’ eyes widened as he searched Dean’s face. “You do?” Dean nodded. “You’d want that with me?”

Dean chuckled softly. “Of course I would. I’d be crazy to let you go.”

Cas furrowed his brow. “But I’m a mess. These panic attacks might not ever go away, Dean. How could you want to live with someone like me for the rest of your life?”

Dean kissed Cas softly as he carded his fingers through his hair. “Cause I’d be with you. I’ll take you whatever way I can have you. I’ll be there for all your meltdowns and I’ll hold you through them like I’ve been doing.” Dean gently caressed Cas’ cheek. “But I want you to know that you’ll never have to worry about me cheating on you. I’m not interested in meaningless sex anymore and I’m not interested in sex with anyone other than you.”

Cas smiled and laid his head back on Dean’s chest. “How the hell did I get here from a date I was sure was going to be a one night stand?”

Dean laughed and ran his hand over Cas’ back. “You picked someone that was done with that kind of life. Even if I hadn’t been looking for more than that… man, one night with you would have had me craving more. Hell, it did have me craving more. I never planned on inviting you back here the next day. I thought we’d have, like, normal dates first.”

Cas snorted a laugh. “Nothing about this has been normal. Especially not how this all started. I mean, we hadn’t even been together 24 hours and you kicked me out, then chased me down.”

Dean sighed softly. “If I hadn’t chased you down, I would have regretted that fight for the rest of my life.”

Cas ran his fingers over Dean’s chest. He knew he would have regretted it to. “Why? We barely knew each other. Your next date might have been better than me.”

Dean squeezed Cas tightly. “No. Nobody would have been better than you. Cas, when you walked into the Roadhouse, I forgot how to breathe. Then we started talking and I got to know a little about you and my heart kept skipping beats. I didn’t plan anything past that date. I didn’t plan us going to the motel. I just… I felt like I’d short circuit if I didn’t get the chance to taste your lips, your skin… fuck.”

Cas smirked when he felt Dean hardening at the memory. 

Cas kissed Dean’s neck then down his chest. He hooked his fingers in Dean’s boxers and Dean’s hand grabbed his. “You sure? I don’t know if we should do anything if you’re in the middle of your meltdown.”

Cas looked into Dean’s eyes then pulled his boxers off of him. He kissed up his legs, nipping at the soft skin between his thighs and then his hip before taking him into his mouth. Dean moaned, tangling his fingers in Cas’ hair as his hips carefully rocked into the other man’s mouth.

“Fuck, Cas…”

Cas slowly pulled back and smiled as he stroked Dean. “I want you inside me.”

Dean gently pulled Cas back up to him, kissing him softly. “I love you.” He said as he rolled them so Cas was on his back. “I’ll always love you.” Dean kissed and sucked at Cas’ neck, then peppered kisses down his torso. He slowly pulled Cas’ boxers off kissing all the way down his legs. Dean lifted one of Cas’ legs, kissing along the lines of his calf muscle to the back of his knee and up the back of his thigh before hooking his leg over his shoulder. “I want to do this for the rest of our lives.”

“What? Have sex?”

“No. Well, yeah, that too. But I meant, worship you.”

Cas blushed and looked away. Dean turned his face back toward him as he leaned forward and kissed Cas slowly. He took his time coaxing Cas’ lips apart and exploring his mouth. He only pulled back when he felt like they both might pass out from lack of oxygen.

Dean panted as he looked down at Castiel, taking in the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen. Cas’ chest was heaving and his body already had a beautiful flush to it. His eyes begged for Dean to fuck him and trembles of need ran through every part of his body. He was absolutely gorgeous. He always was.

Dean grabbed the lube from the side table and slicked his fingers with it. He circled Cas’ hole then gently pushed one finger in, watching Cas’ eyelids fight to stay open so they could keep eye contact. Cas’ eyelids lost their battle when Dean pulled his finger out and thrust it back in. Dean always loved this part. He loved watching Cas fall apart for him.

Dean slowly worked Cas open, taking his time to add additional fingers. He watched Cas turn into a quivering mess. Cas’ hands kept clutching and letting go of the bedding. His breathing was even more erratic and his head was moving from side to side. Dean slowly removed his fingers and Cas’ eyes finally opened slightly and focused on him.

Dean leaned forward, kissing Cas just as slowly as he had before while he slicked his cock. He pulled away from Cas’ plush lips as he pushed into him. Cas’ body arched as he groaned Dean’s name.

“Deeeeeaaaaannnnn.”

“I got you. I’m gonna take care of you, Angel.” Dean said as he slowly started thrusting into Cas.

Cas’ hands found their way to Dean’s back, as his free leg hooked around his thigh. Dean’s thrusts were long and slow, torturous and so fucking good all at once and Cas was quickly falling apart because of it. Cas brought a hand to the back of Dean’s head, pulling him back down into a kiss. Cas kissed Dean just as slowly and suggestively as Dean had. His fingers scratched at Dean’s scalp, as the ones on his back scratched lines into his flesh.

Dean pulled away gasping for air as Cas nipped at his lips. “I fucking love you.”

Cas tugged on Dean’s lower lip. “I love you, too.”

Dean kept his slow and steady pace as he slipped a hand between them and stroked Cas in time with his thrusts. Cas’ eyes fluttered shut as his nails dug into Dean’s back. Dean focused on the little bundle of nerves inside Cas as he moved his hand in all the ways that took Cas apart. 

Cas tensed and his back arched as his cum shot onto both of their bodies and Dean’s name was ripped from his lungs.

“Dean!”

Dean’s thrusts faltered, his movements jerky, as he thrust deep into Cas spilling his seed deep inside him.

“Castiel.” Dean groaned then rested his forehead against his lover’s. They breathed each other’s air as they both came down from their orgasms. Cas’ eyes opened first and he gently caressed Dean’s cheek, smiling when green eyes finally opened and looked into his blue.

“That was amazing, Dean.”

Dean smiled and planted a soft kiss on Cas’ upper lip. Dean’s eyes searched Cas’. “Cas?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m serious about what I said. I want forever with you.”

“I want that, too.”

“Would it be weird if I proposed while my dick is inside you?”

Cas laughed softly. “It might make for awkward stories later when family and friends ask how you popped the question.” Cas gently ran his fingers over Dean’s lips. “But I wouldn’t be opposed to it.”

Dean kissed Cas’ fingertips. “Marry me, Cas.”

Cas moved his fingers, kissing Dean softly. “Yes.” He whispered against his lips.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean talk and have sexy time

Cas woke up the next morning, smiling when he felt Dean’s arms around him. He opened his eyes and found Dean’s beautiful face just inches from his own. His lips were slightly parted, puffs of air hitting Cas as Dean exhaled. Cas gently ran a finger over Dean’s relaxed forehead, where lines would appear while he was awake, then he ran his finger over Dean’s temple, where Dean’s crows feet resided when he was giving a genuine smile or really laughing. Cas’ finger made its way down to Dean’s lips. Those beautiful lips asked the one phrase that Cas had dreamed Dean would one day ask him, but he never thought that dream would be a reality. Dean wanted to marry him...and he said yes.

Holy shit. He was engaged.

Cas couldn’t help wondering about the timing. Had Dean only asked because of what happened with Adler and Lisa, or had he been wanting to ask and the timing just felt right? What if Dean woke up and said the proposal was a mistake? What if…

“You’re thinking too loud.” Dean mumbled, cutting of Cas’ train of thought.

“Sorry.”

Dean slowly opened his eyes. “Still in your meltdown?” Cas shook his head. “Ah. So you’re doubting what happened last night.” Cas sighed. “I didn’t ask because of the shit that happened. I asked you to live with me, Cas. What’d you think the next step was?”

“I just wasn’t expecting it so soon.”

Dean gently caressed Cas’ cheek. “Is it too soon? Do you want to change your answer?”

Cas swallowed hard as he willed the tears not to come. Was Dean trying to back out? “Do you want me to?” He practically whispered.

“Hell no. But, if you’re uncomfortable, then I don’t want to force you to be ok with it.”

Cas shook his head. “I’m not. It’s just hard to believe you’d want me.”

“Well, I do.”

Cas smiled softly. “I’m guessing it wasn’t planned and you don’t have a ring for me to show off.”

“Shit. Ummm.” Dean pulled a ring off his finger. “Does this fit?”

Cas held up his hand and let Dean slide the ring onto his finger. He looked at his hand and smiled. “Any story behind this ring?”

“Yeah. It was my grandpa Henry’s. It doesn’t have to be your ring. We can go shopping.”

Cas kissed Dean softly. “It’s perfect. If you don’t mind me wearing it, then I’d be honored to.”

Dean took Cas’ hand, looking at the ring. “He wouldn’t have liked you.”

“Well, that’s comforting.”

Dean chuckled. “I mean initially. He wouldn’t have liked me being serious with a guy. But, once he saw how happy you make me, he would have fallen in love with you, too. I think if I’d asked him if you could wear his ring, he would have approved.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah.”

Cas smiled softly as he let his eyes roam over Dean’s freckles.

“I hope you’re not counting them. We’ll be stuck here at least six months.”

Cas chuckled softly. “I’m admiring them. Dean? Do you ever wonder what this would have been like if we’d met one of the multiple times Sam tried to get us together?”

“Not really. I imagine it wouldn’t be much different.”

Cas’ eyes met Dean’s. “I dunno. I don’t think I would have been ready. I’m not even sure I was ready when I did meet you.”

Dean ran his fingers down Cas’ neck. “What do you mean? You seemed pretty ready to me.”

Cas sighed softly. “I turned around ten times on the way to the Roadhouse. Like tried to go home that many times. Most of the night I was trying to remind myself that I was only meeting you for a date and we wouldn’t be hooking up. When you asked, I couldn’t say no...but I almost kept driving instead of going to the hotel with you.”

“I wish I’d known how much you were battling with yourself that night. I would have tried to make you feel more special. The last thing I wanted was for you to feel like you were just some random hook up. I mean, yeah, your photos were fucking hot, but I read your profile. That’s why I asked why you needed the app. You just sounded too fucking amazing.”

“Yeah, well, if I’d put on there that I have PTSD, anxiety, depression, blah, blah, blah then you wouldn’t have contacted me.”

Dean furrowed his brow. “If you’d included that with everything else you’d said, then I still would have messaged you. I’ve got shit, too, Cas. Everyone does.”

“But not everyone is as messed up as me.” Cas said quietly.

“Yeah. Some are messed up even more. Cas, you’re an amazing guy and I love you. I’ve hardly said that to anyone.”

“Did you say it to Lisa?”

“I did, but not nearly as quickly as I said it to you and maybe only four or five times. The only other person I said it to was a guy I dated in high school named Benny. But I don’t think it meant the same thing back then. I think it was more of a fear of being alone that made me say it to them.” Dean caressed Cas’ cheek. “With you I mean it completely. I really do love you, Castiel.”

Cas smiled softly. “I love you, too. I said it to Amelia, obviously. I think I said it to Balthazar a few times, but I think what we had was more lust than love. I did love Amelia, but not like I love you. Sometimes that makes me feel like a horrible person. I was married to her. I should have felt more for her, but when she told me she wanted a divorce and was seeing someone else...I felt...I dunno, relieved?” Cas ran his hand over his face. “I’m not saying I didn’t hurt or feel like shit about it. I mean if she was cheating and wanted a divorce, then I wasn’t good enough, again. I’m never good enough. There’s always someone better than me.”

“That’s bullshit. There is nobody better than you, Cas. They just weren’t the right ones for you. It’s not your fault or theirs. I think of everyone I’ve been with as stepping stones. I had to walk those stones to get to the end of the path it was taking me to. We’re all someone’s stepping stone. We were what that person needed at that point in our lives. Some stones, like Amelia or Lisa, were larger and we hung out there for a while before continuing on the path. Some are small and we can barely feel them under our feet. Some are broken and they leave behind damage. But that final stone? It’s the largest and we never want to leave it. It heals us of the damage left behind. You know when you reach it because you’re not the only one there anymore.” Dean gently wiped Cas’ tears. “On your final stone you’re never alone.”

Cas surged forward, kissing Dean deeply. He ran his hand down Dean’s back, to his ass, as his tongue found its way into the other man’s mouth. Dean moaned into the kiss when Cas' finger rubbed at his hole, applying pressure. Dean broke away, gasping for air. 

“Fuck me?”

Cas smiled and grabbed the lube. He pushed Dean onto his back, kissing him deeply as he put some lube on his fingers and pushed one into him. Dean moaned into Cas’ mouth as he scratched his nails from his scalp, down his neck, then down his back. 

Cas thrust his finger into Dean. He slowly added more as he worked Dean open. He hooked his fingers, pressing on Dean’s prostate.

“Cas! Fuck..” Dean gasped as he rocked his hips to further stimulate himself. 

Cas held his fingers against Dean’s prostate as he rubbed his perineum with his thumb. Dean moaned long and loud. Cas took Dean’s length into his mouth, swallowing while his fingers continued to work Dean’s prostate.

“Oh fuck!” Dean groaned and fisted Cas’ hair as his body shook with need.

Cas slowly pulled off with a pop as he removed his fingers. Dean whined and pulled Cas up by his hair. Cas kissed Dean softly as he slowly pushed into him. Dean wrapped his legs around Cas’ waist, moaning when Cas bottomed out. Cas sucked on Dean’s neck as he thrust deep into him.

Dean moaned, rocking his hips. “Cas, babe, can I ride you?”

Cas rolled them over, nipping at Dean’s lower lip. Dean sat up with his hands on Cas’ chest. He started bouncing on Cas’ cock. Cas brought his knees up to help support Dean. Dean held his knees and bounced harder.

“Fuck, Cas. I love you so much.”

Cas thrust up, meeting Dean every time he came down. He wrapped his fingers around Dean’s hard cock, stroking him.

“I love you, too.”

Dean groaned, throwing his head back as he bounced harder. Cas thrust harder, their skin slapping together. He jerked Dean faster. “Cum.”

Dean cried out, his body trembling, as he shot his cum on Cas’ stomach. Cas punched the breath out of Dean when he slammed hard into him, crying out his name as he filled him.

Dean gasped for air then fell forward, on top of Cas, who wrapped his arms around him. “We gotta do that more often.” He mumbled into Cas’ skin.

Cas chuckled and ran his fingers through Dean’s hair. “That’s perfectly fine with me.”

Cas held Dean for a while, their heart beats slowing and breathing returning to normal. His hand alternated between playing with Dean’s hair and caressing his tan, muscled back.

Dean snuggled against Cas. “You probably want to know what happened with her, huh?”

“Only if you want to tell me.”

Dean ran his hand over Cas’ chest. “When we first got together, I was up front with her and told her I was bi. I explained that I preferred men and that I liked being fucked. She kinda laughed it off and said ok, so I figured she was cool with it. We’d been together for a little while and it was always me doing things for her. I’d fuck her and go down on her when she asked. I could barely get her to suck me, but she definitely wouldn’t fuck me. Her excuse was always she didn’t have the right parts, and she’d laugh when she said it. One day I showed her a dildo and a strap on and asked her to please fuck me and she just stared and was like ‘you’re serious’. She thought I’d been fucking joking.”

Dean sighed as Cas scratched at his scalp. “We started yelling and she told me if I wanted a dick up my ass so bad then I should have been dating a guy instead of her. That she wasn’t going to be some cover up so I didn’t have to come out of the closet. It got pretty heated. She started hitting me and I kept pushing her away. I finally told her to get the fuck out of my house and never come back. Obviously she forgot about the 'never come back' part.”

Cas kissed the top of Dean’s head. “So you weren’t happy with her, even before the fight?”

“No. It kinda felt like everything was one sided, you know? I mean I spelled it all out to her. I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable or make her do anything she was against doing. Some chicks think throwing on a strap on and fucking their boyfriend is hot. Some don’t. I wanted to give her the chance to get out before it go serious if she wasn’t into it.”

Cas ran his nails over Dean’s back. “Do you prefer giving or receiving? I’ve assumed you preferred giving but with what you’re saying I’m not so sure anymore.”

“I’m a switch. I like both equally, but I’m always expected to be the one giving. I was shocked when you took control at the motel. Nobody has ever done that without me asking for it first, well, other than Alistair.” Dean said with a shiver.

“He’s the one that hurt you?”

Dean sighed. “Yeah. I was having a rough time and just wanted someone to take the control away from me. He did that, but he also didn’t allow me to have a voice. There weren’t any safe words. If I said something hurt he’d do it harder. My life was suffering because he wanted me at his place 24/7. When I’d finally had enough, I ran to Sammy. I’d been with him close to a month, so I was skinny and looked like shit. After him I swore off guys. That’s how I ended up with her. But being with her left me unfulfilled. What I really wanted was a guy. She wouldn’t fuck me, but I used the dildo and it helped, but it wasn’t a hard, hot cock attached to body so it wasn’t what I needed.”

Cas carded his fingers through Dean’s hair. “So you started sleeping around and kept control so they couldn’t do what he did?”

Dean lifted his head and looked at Cas. “Yeah. I, uh, in a way I think I knew you wanted to top our first time, but I wasn’t ready. But if I’d known you’d never bottomed before…”

“Hey. Don’t worry about that. I enjoyed it. If some part of me didn’t want to do that, then I would have stopped you. Trust me. You didn’t force me.” Dean nodded and laid his head on Cas’ chest as Cas played with his hair. “So you’d like it if I topped or took control more?”

“Yes.”


End file.
